{Understanding}

So, i am going off on a tangent(sp?) again on something that's on my mind and something i have often thought about over the years.

I believe a TOP basic need of every person is the need to be UNDERSTOOD. Think about it...when you get in an argument with your spouse, your kid, a friend, a neighbor , a stranger it's because there is a side that needs to be understood. I find that most often when i am upset at my husband its because i feel like he doesn't understand me, and VICE VERSA.  I think it can be HARD to try to understand someone else when they don't try to understand you.  I have a really hard time being the FIRST person to try and listen and understand. I have learned from my husband that when he is the bigger person and takes the time to listen and understand me FIRST, it helps me soooooo much more to then listen to him and understand him.  Everyone works different. Some couples may not have a hard time at all with just listening to each other, not having to worry about who the bigger person is going to be this time. But i struggle with being the BIGGER person when i know there's something that i feel so strongly about that if i can explain it to him then he would understand.  


Aside from that, which might not make any sense after what i just said, but i have a need to understand. I have that need with other people when they do certain things that i just don't get(understand). 

I often find myself upset inside or irritated inside and not sure why. When i think about it it's usually something that someone did or said that i don't understand WHY they did or said.  IF i could just UNDERSTAND WHY then it makes things soooo much easier. I must admit, there are lots of things i really try to understand or try to relate to or put myself in that persons shoes, BUT doesn't end up helping me.  There are some things i realize are past my understanding, but i try to move on from it and put those things behind me. :)

I am that way with anything i learn. I want to UNDERSTAND it, not just memorize or just do it becaues i am told to do it. I want to understand WHY i am doing it or WHY i am learning it. I NEED the understanding not just the general

Elder Richard G. Scott , in a conference years ago, talks about peace of mind and peace of conscience. And he says our peace of mind can be interrupted by external concerns. Then he said "Your understanding of the causes can relieve much of the pressure they generate." I took this as exactly the way i feel about most frustrations. I need to UNDERSTAND the why's, the what's, the who's, the when's, where's, etc. and then it will help me keep peace of mind.

For example, if my son were to say inappropriate things or act out in a certain way over something that to me is NOTHING, then i obviously don't understand. At first it would make me really mad. I would think "I didn't teach him that" OR "He knows better than that!" I would initially want to get mad at him and just send him to his room, BUT when i try to sit down and talk to him about it and he tells me certain things that happened earlier that day that caused him to act out, then i understand why he acted that way, then it's easier to NOT be mad at him, but rather want to help him resolve it. And it also helps me to understand that maybe i need to teach him a different way to express his feelings rather than act out that way again. Easier said than done though. But at least i understand him.  Now think, if i didn't ever try to understand his behavior then  nothing would be resolved, and i wouldn't find peace of mind because i would just feel upset that my son acted that way, OR feel guilty like i am doing something wrong as a mom and then the behavior would probably continue , making me feel worse and worse inside. SO trying to understand a situation is so very important to everyone involved.

So many people do or say things that i don't understand, but i feel i am getting to a point now where i understand without understanding. Does that make sense? I understand that they act or behave a certain way maybe because of some bad past experiences, OR maybe that's what they grew up with and that's all they know. OR i understand because it might be something i do and i know how hard it can be in that certain situation, so i understand why because ive been through it. Hence, the understanding without REALLY understanding their exact situation.

When we try to UNDERSTAND a situation, or a persons behavior, or something we are learning, or something we know it really helps us to have peace of mind. Who doesn't want peace of mind?

Understanding is a deep need of mine. I need to know that i am understood , but i also want to understand another person because in so doing i can have so much more peace in my life. It helps us to not judge others, it helps us to be more patient and loving or sympathetic. It helps us not lash out at others so quickly. And the list goes on.

I must admit, sometimes with wanting to understand someone else also comes along with it more frustrations. hahaha! And it's usually with the one's i love and care about the most. I expect A LOT out of the people i love and care about. When i know them, and understand them, that usually means i know what they are capable of. AND we always see MORE in our loved ones than they do in themselves. This is true with anyone i think. We are our own worst critics, right?  We rarely see what we are capable. But others can see it in us more than we do in ourselves. True? I think so. What do you think? Anyway, when i know what they are capable of, and they only give me 50% it makes me frustrated because i know they are so much better than 50%. At the same time, i can't be hard on them and expect 100% all the time. That's unrealistic.  I just have to encourage and positively push them in the right direction until they realize their full potential.