Wednesday, May 30, 2012

{Another post}

These are just my thoughts. There are seasons to our lives just like there are seasons each year. Some bring sunny shiny moments that can last awhile or come and go very quickly. There can be times where there's complete contentment, which makes me think of the fall. And then there are those darn winter months or the rainy spring months. Cold or rainy, or gloomy.  We all have our seasons. And sometimes even in the summer with our sun and shiny moments we will get a typhoon, or rain.

Basically, there is no material thing in this world that can make a person truly happy. I am sure we have all experienced this, where we think if we go get new clothes we will feel better, OR if we go buy that nice bedroom set it will bring more peace in our rooms, etc. And we all know that feeling right after we get those material things... we are excited, and those new clothes do make us feel better, but only for a short moment. It doesn't bring true happiness, if that's what we are searching for. It doesn't FIX our faults or our weaknesses, if that's what we are hoping to fix. We have to LOOK INSIDE ourselves to truly fix what's missing. SURE, money can make things easier financially(in a way), but that's it. It won't suddenly FIX our marriages or relationships. It won't suddenly make you a happy person if you weren't already. It won't suddenly make you stop being a complainer and a whiner, because if that's what your good at doing you will just find more to complain and whine about. A complainer and whiner will always find something to complain about.  Money won't fix a darn thing except for the fact that it will make your life feel financially easier(in a way). If your love for your spouse is based on how much money you have, then maybe it isn't love. If you think you can buy love, you can't.

I must say, just because someone buys stuff and has money doesn't mean they have a problem. :) So hopefully you get what i am saying in all this.

We all know the person who is an emotional spender. They are lacking something in their lives, and to get a temporary fix or high, they go buy things. They buy and buy only to discover it didn't fix the problem. So then they go buy again. BUT still nothing is fixed. It's an empty whole that can't be filled. That's because money can't fix our belief system. Money can't fix our emotional needs. Money can't fix our anger or sadness or resentment. You just can't buy those things.  Basically, there's nothing that can make you happy, but YOU. You decide how you are going to be. You decide whether you are going to be grumpy or happy. Nobody can make you unhappy, nobody can make you grumpy, nobody. You decide whether you can let things go, you decide whether you can forgive or not, you decide. You choose how you are going to act and who you are going to be. Maybe some of us blame our life circumstances for our unhappiness. Or maybe we blame somebody else for our unhappiness. But we still can choose to be positive and happy. We can choose to forgive. You have a choice.  Just because someone is happy doesn't mean they don't experience hardships.  Every single person has something they are going through that is hard right now. Every single person has experienced, most likely, many hardships you have no idea about. We know HALF the story of most people. Everybody experiences it. Nobody is exempt from hard times.  And when you see those people who experience those hard times who choose to be happyand find the good around them, we(I) feel a sense of inspiration. It makes me want to practice that trait and be the same way.  We can blame our past for the reason we are who we are. we can blame our past for many things. But we all know there really is nobody to blame except ourselves.

This is something i have come to realize.  We choose WHO we are going to be and we choose HOW we will be during hard times. It's all on us. Nobody is to blame except ourselves. There's no excuse.

It's not just about the emotional spender(which i think could be labeled as a type of addiction)...but anything that's taking over our lives in an unbalanced unhealthy way is also in this category.
No material possessions on earth will fix our happiness. Often times many of us think it will, but if you truly look inside yourself and are truly honest with yourself you will realize your search to find happiness isn't based on any outside sources or material sources. It's based upon fixing what's missing inside your own self.

This is true.

{My baby is turning THREE}



These pictures were taken a couple months before his first birthday! I love the middle picture where you can see his two bottom teeth! So cute!
It's hard to believe he is going to be THREE years old on Friday, June 1st. Grandma and Grandpa arrive here the night before his birthday! We are all so excited!! Since they will have just arrived we are pretty confident that first day they won't feel like doing much, so we decided to rent a bouncy for his birthday, and set it up in the back, while i chat with Grandma and grandpa(shane has to work that day).
Jaydon has continued to be who i always thought he was since he was inside my belly. I know Our children's personalities right now are also who they were before they came here. I always had the sense, WHILE he was in my belly, that he was ready to get out of my stomach and experience the world, that he was excited for life and was going to take it ON. I always felt that. I also felt like he was going to come early. I remember, while i was pregnant with him, telling my mom these same thoughts and then telling her "He is coming early. He is ready to get out and start life and won't hang around in there much longer than he has to."  hahaha! That was true. He was born three weeks early.

His early arrival was also a huge blessing because that meant an awesome delivery for me. My first delivery was traumatic. Big head. My second was a c-section. Third was a charm. delivery was PERFECT. Small head.  About one month after his birth his head was completely different. You would have thought that someone replaced his small head with the complete opposite! It became huge and round. :) haha!

And he still lives up to the way he was in my belly....full of life and energy, excited about life, taking on everything, confidence, purpose.  He is so funny.
People have often said, "He walks with purpose." I agree. He is very confident in what he wants and is his own person. I think it's great and i love watching him grow, just as i love watching all my boys grow. :) He is already a leader and i am pretty confident will always be a leader.

He continually makes his big brother's laugh at him. He can be very loud when he is excited or mad(he does have a very firey side).

There are two things i am realizing right now....he is leaving his terrible two's.  That could be good or bad.  Good because he won't be so terrible anymore OR bad because he could be entering an even more terrible stage....the HORRIBLE three's. :)  We will have to see. Despite the terrible two's he is still so much fun and we all love him so much. He is so different from his brother's. They are all three so different. BUT that's great because they can learn and grow from one another.

In his three years he has lived in Ohio, Texas, and Japan. Crazy! He sure is experiencing life.
And one thing i have to mention in that he is so different from his brothers is his completely outgoing personality. Much to my dismay, he likes to leave the house without telling me. That can be scary, but not as scary as it could be in a place that isn't safe. When i realize he is missing i look out the windows and i often find him talking to our neighbor, asking all kinds of questions like "Where's your doggy? Where's your mommy? What are you doing? Can you play with me? Where's your daddy? Why?" OR he tells them stories about himself or his brothers. OR just the other day, i couldn't find him. I circled the house and then looked ACROSS THE STREET. It terrified me that he possibly walked across the street alone!  I called for him and noticed he was talking with our 14 year old neighbor.  She came over and said, "He knocked on my door and asked if i would come out and play with him." Age isn't a factor to him when picking his friends. If you are a person then you are someone to be a friend to and play with. He treats them all the same. He really loves people and loves to talk. He is very loveable. VERY.

He also tries to make friends with the bee's. He has been stung numerous times now. I continually tell him that bee's DO NOT like being bugged and that they are not nice and will sting you. He doesn't get it. He still tries catching them or whatever he is trying to do with them.

While he is so sweet, he also has two big brother's, which means he has learned to be rough and tough, but not in a mean way. He just likes to wrestle and push and play, all with a smile on his face while he is doing it. He's a boy.  But sometimes when girls come around they don't get it. haha! He likes to tease them and try to hug them or carry them and sometimes they don't like it. He doesn't understand why they wouldn't like it because that's his way of showing love. But a girl doesn't like to be loved that way. They like to be loved like a princess. BUT once in awhile a girl understands his love language and they become friends. :) He loves friends. And he treats them so sweet just like he treats his mom so sweet(usually).

He weighs just as much as his big brother Tanner now. Tanner is taller so he is just ahead of Jaydon in the clothes department.  My friend picked tanner up and then picked up jaydon expecting him to be lighter, but was surprised when he was just as heavy as Tanner. He is a very thick boy.

He has been such a joy to each of us. We love who he is, the good and the not so good. :) I am excited to see what his THREE'S bring him. He has been ready for THREE for a while because when people ask him how old he is he always says three.

Happy Birthday my sweet Jaydon. We love you.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

{Yomitan}

I went with my friend to explore the Yomitan area. There are lots of things to do and see here. This is a special beach she showed me. Can you see the southern part of Okinawa way out there?
 The water is absolutely beautiful on a sunny day.  All that green in there is seaweed. She said there are two months out of the year where the seaweed is all over the place, and apparently one of those months is right now.
 Here is a little village we went to by the water. You have to pay to go in. We didn't pay but we were close by. It's full of these traditional japanese homes and buildings.

 See that little white dot straight out in the middle of the water? It's a sailboat. I could have just stood at the top of the hill and stared at this scene all day long. I will show you a closer look of this small red building down there. I don't know what the japanese call those, but i am sure they don't call them "buildings".

 Here it is...the perfect spot for family pictures at sunset or sunrise. At sunrise the sun is right behind me, and at sunset it would be right behind the building. I love the red and blue combination. The colors are awesome.
 She also took me to a cave. During the war the caves(there are many) were hideouts for the japanese. The japanese government lied to their own people telling them not to surrender to the Americans, and that it would be better to kill themselves than to get caught by the Americans because the Americans would do terrible horrible things to them. So, the people believed their government.  Here is a cave where many families were hiding out during the war. Some American soldiers came to the entrance of the cave and told them that it's okay to come out and that they won't hurt them. Of course, they didn't believe them because of what the japanese told them. So, they all killed themselves with grenades, and some even slit the throats of their own kids because they thought it was better than getting caught by americans.  All those colors you see in the picture are tons of 1,000 cranes. 1,000 cranes is a sign/symbol of peace for the japanese. You will see these often near sacred caves like these or at the Peace Prayer Park. There was also a stone that showed the ages of every person that was killed in this cave. They grouped them into their families and the majority of the families had 4-5 kids ranging from age 3-16 years old. It's very sad to think this happened here.
 There is another story of another cave around here where there were hundreds of people hiding out. TWO of the men in this cave were japanese but had lived in Hawaii for a few years and worked with Americans.  When the American soldiers came and told them it's okay to come out they all wanted to kill themselves, but these two japanese men told them not to do it. They told them that they worked with Americans in Hawaii and didn't believe that the Americans would do what the Japanese government told them. The two men went out of the cave , talked with the americans and then went back in and told the people in this cave that it's okay and they won't harm them. They all went out and none of them were killed. My friend said it's called the cave of 1,000 people because apparently that's how many were in there. There is also a memorial set up at that cave honoring the two men that saved all those people.
 Here below is a memorial that was built a long time ago by a japanese man, for the families that killed themselves in the caves.  One day a man came and started destroying it saying it was a disgrace to the emperor. So, i guess someone else came out and built these rocks around the memorial that was partially destroyed. You can look inside those rectangular holes to see what the original memorial was before it was partially destroyed. And they also surrounded it with rocks so that nobody would be able to come and try to destroy it again. It's very interesting. This area was a beautiful area too, but really everything here is beautiful. Right next to it is a stream/river.

In another news, Shane made it home safely to us on Sunday night. We are so glad to have him back home with us! He arrived at 11 p.m. at night. It was late, but didn't feel like it to any of us because we were so excited. :)

Just last night we were talking about what animal each of us would be IF we were an animal. Gavin said, "I think dad should be a bald eagle." And i thought Shane would be an alligator. hahaha!
Tanner said, "I think mom should be a sperm whale." Silence.  now, there really are sperm whales. Remember also that Tanner is only five. :) Sperm whales are nice. Shane and I just giggled about that. Shane said, "why would mom be a sperm whale?"  He said, "Because they are nice and i like sperm whales." Then Gavin and Tanner started spouting off more whales i would be..."humback whale" "blue whale" "grey whale"....Dad said, "What about a killer whale?" Tanner said, "NOOO!! They are mean!!!" 
Shane declared Tanner would be a squirrel. I thought Tanner would be a fox.  Shane thinks Jaydon would be a rhinoceros. I thought Jaydon would be a HIPPO.  We couldn't quite figure out what Gavin would be. I thought he would be a monkey. I can't remember what shane thought Gavin would be. It was a really funny conversation.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

{My Mother's Day}

This morning i woke up early to talk to Shane through texting. He is in Utah visting his family. I was excited to talk to him because i really haven't been able to for a week.
I got in the shower at 6 am after i talked to him.  As i was blowdrying my hair, Tanner came in and handed me a note. He said, "Mom, here. This is to help you find where to go." And then he left. The paper had arrows pointing in N, S, E, and West direction. I had no clue where to go. :)

I said, "So, where do i go first?"  They told me to go downstairs. I went downstairs and at the bottom, stuck on the wall, was a clue. It said "They are upsters and down."  I wasn't sure what that meant, so i said, "Where should i go?"  They told me that there are gifts downstairs for me and upstairs and to go look.  I found LOVE notes from them downstairs. They drew pictures of me and said stuff like...

 "I love you so much." Another one said, "I love you evrey day. You are the best mommy in the world. You are the preittest mom. And buttiful. I love you." I really like the "buttiful." That really describes my butt well. hahaha! Butt is full. get it? ha!

Then i went upstairs. They hid stuff in their bedroom. I found a card that Gavin made for me at school. It said...
"Dear mom I love you mom. I like when you kiss me. I love that you are my mom. I like that you help me. And you are the best of all."
I also found a paper he filled out at school where he fills in the blanks...
1. My mom is..."funny".
2. I love it when my mom cooks..."pizza".
3. My mom is super at... "cooking".
4. My mom likes to ..."play with us."
5. My mom is..."30" years old.
6. My mom's job is..."to clean". I wasn't sure how to respond to that one.
7. When my mom laughs she is..."cute".
8. My mom is always..."fun."

I get the impression he thinks i am fun. :) That's nice. Although i am not sure i want him thinking my job is to clean. I think i need to demonstrate my role a little bit better to him by handing over more house work to him. Then he will learn my job isn't to clean. :) bwahahahah!

I also found a little booklet my like the fill in the blanks paper above.
1. My mom and I eat..."pizza". Apparently he likes our homemade pizza night on fridays since this is the second time he has mentioned it.
2. My mom and I read..."fun books."
3. My mom and I like to..."play".
4. My mom and I go to..."the playground."
Then he drew a picture of the two of us on the back. He is taller than me. In fact , he is taller than me in most pictures. haha!

Then i found a present. He made a gift for me at school. I unwrapped it and it was a jar with a pretty flower display inside. I felt emotional after all of this because they really surprised me. I also felt emotional because i really missed my husband and wanted him to be here with me, and i really wanted to be with him in utah and with his family.

After this scavenger hunt, we ate breakfast. I quickly realized our food was lukewarm, and the stuff in the freezer was melting. I thought "WHAT?! NO!" I called maintenance and they couldn't come today and i had to wait til tomorrow. So, i started thinking, "What on earth am i going to do." And when i looked at the stuff i would lose i got really upset. I thought i would have to put my food in my neighbors fridge, but didn't want to bug them on a sunday morning at 7 am.  I just about started crying. Then i got mad at the fridge and said, "I am GOING to figure this out!" It was plugged in. The light turned on in the fridge when i opened it. Then i noticed the KNOB....the cold knob was completely off. SOMEbody turned it off. Man i felt relief, but then quickly called the boys over to lecture them for a minute about WHY they can't touch that knob. Just when i was lecturing them and still feeling emotional, i noticed a friend from basketball walk in front of our window, and i thought, "WHAT is she doing here?" I opened the door and she had a professional looking cake that had the superman logo, and then MOM written under the logo. SUPERMOM. :) I started crying. She probably thought i was CRAZY.
SHANE had this in place for me before he left for alaska. He is so sweet. I LOVE surprises and that was a surprise! I love him. Oh, it was carrot cake. YUM! It was good. Speaking of, i need to go pound some more of that. I have only eaten TONS of it already today. I am emotionally pigging out on it today. Seriously. For one week i have gone without cookies, cake , ice cream...but i gave in to this one. 
I was still really emotional though.
We went to church. GAVIN took care of me so well. He just sat quietly the whole time, leaning against me. He scratched my arm, wanted my arm around him. He just wanted to treat me special. Tanner wanted me to hold him for awhile. They loved taking care of me.

Then after church, my friend Amy stopped by to steal the boys for awhile to play with their kids at the playground. She wanted to give me some time to nap or do whatever. I thought how thoughtful she would do that for me on mother's day, when she could be relaxing.

Then my friend Jennifer called and asked to stop by. She came over, sat with me on our backporch and we talked for awhile. She brought me some yummy chopped up honeydew melon. That was so kind.

Then another friend of mine, Melissa, called me and wanted to stop by to bring me something. She and three of her girls brought us a huge homemade cookie. She stayed and chatted for a bit.
By the time this was over i felt so GRATEFUL for good friends. I am so lucky to live by and go to church with such amazing friends. I have never really felt a need for friendships before, except for the one i have with my best friend.  But i am gradually learning that i love good friendships and need it. And so do other women. I really felt loved today.

All three of those ladies are good friends of mine. And i just found out one of them is staying another year OR two...we thought they were moving, but just found out they are now staying. SO excited.

It was probably on the top of my list of best Mother's day ever....and it would have been PERFECT if shane were here with me.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

{Our Saturday}

Sorry, no pictures. I imported my pictures, but went to pull them up in photoshop and they weren't there. I don't feel like spending time searching for them.

This morning the boys and I left the house at 8:15 a.m.  We were on our way to the Kids Fun Run.   Tanner's age group had a 1/2 mile run. Gavin's age group had a 1 mile run.  They all started at the same time. Jaydon and i had tons of fun watching them race and running back and forth to watch them pass us so we could yell for them. They started off sprinting like crazy! I thought they would poop out, but they stayed strong. Tanner finished first since he only had a 1/2 mile. He really did AWESOME. I should have timed him.  Gavin did great. There were only about 15 kids age 7-8 running. He finished 4th place, which is great! Tanner's had a lot more kids and i couldn't keep track!  They really felt proud of themselves, and i really loved cheering them on!

Then we went home and talked to daddy! Then shortly after we ran to the store to get some snacks and then headed over to Tanner's basketball game.  Tanner has been getting much better and it's getting more and more exciting watching him play ball!  After his game i took them to Burger King and got them each a KIDS MEAL. That's unsual around here. We usually just get the $1.00 menu stuff. They loved that. Then we headed home for about an hour and then left again. This time we were headed to Gavin's basketball game. He did great, although he doesn't get much opportunity to shine because some kids like to keep the ball to themselves and not pass to their teamates. :) 

On our way home from basketball we drove by the swimming pool. It's opened on the weekends, until school starts. When school starts it opens during the week. When they saw that the pool was open they begged to go to the pool. I submitted. We went home, got ready and as we were walking back out the door again i noticed my extraordinarily messy home. I felt discouraged thinking that it would never get cleaned.

We went to the pool and spent the next THREE hours there.  Of course i have to stay with them in the shallow end. Jaydon can't swim. Tanner  and Gavin are still in the process of getting it down good.  I spent two of those three hours catching Jaydon. He jumped in the pool OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.... :) hahaha! I don't know how he had the energy to do it that long!  They loved it and it was warm out. UNTIL it turned to be about 4:30...then it started getting a chill in the air and was getting cold because the wind was blowing.

We came home, they all three jumped in the shower, and i made macaroni while they showered.  They made a great big mess during their shower. Of course. :) I fed them, and then put Jaydon to bed because he was falling asleep in his chair.

The boys then asked me, as i just sat down, "What can we do now mom?" I said, "Uhhhh, sit." haha! Tanner got upset and at the same time he looks deathly tired. I asked them what they would possibly want to do now. We were busy all day long. I told them it's time for bed. They didn't like that. SO, i said, "Well, if you want to clean you can stay up to clean."  SO, they did. I took out some garbage and then watered my plants. I came back in and the boys were doing the dishes together. I said, "WOW, thanks guys!" They finished that and then started organizing all the shoes in our front closet. I said, "Thanks! You are making me feel so special." Then i went back outside again to water my dying plants again. They came out to help me by filling the water can up.  We came back in and they went back to organizing. Gavin said, "Mom, you know how you said that us cleaning makes you feel special?" I said, "yes, it does"... He then said, "Well, you are special." HOW SWEET IS THAT?! I loved it.  Earlier Gavin said to me, "MOM, you are so pretty." I told him thank you and then asked him what made him think to say that. He said, "Well, because one day when i get married i want to marry someone just like you. I want her to be pretty like you too. If i could marry you i would." I laughed and told him how sweet he is. And then i said "No, you wouldn't want to marry your old mom." :)

Then Gavin and Tanner told me that they have a present for me that they are going to give me for mother's day in the morning.  Then he told me, "yeah, we have a plan tomorrow for you."  Then he started getting excited by playing out the scenario and how he thinks it will play out.  He says to me, "Yeah, we have to get up early because we are going to do something so you can't come out of your room. And then when you come out and see it you will be like, 'OH HOW NICE OF YOU!' " He said that in a high pitched voice trying to make it sound like my voice.  Then he starts taking it further by telling me what other elaborate plans he wants to do for me. Then i said, "Wait! Don't tell me! I like surprises!" He says, "Oh, well, can i give you a hint?" I said, "NO, i like surprises. Save it for tomorrow."  He said, "can i just tell you?"   hahahaha! He is so much like his daddy.

They were so sweet to me tonight. I really loved it. It was a great start to mothers day.  Tanner told me, "You know how you said you feel loved?" I said, "Yup."  He said, "well, that's because its mothers day tomorrow."  He is so funny.

It was a busy day, but it really was a good day. The boys and I had fun. :)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

{Being a mom}

Man, being a mom is hard. I have so many emotions going on right now. I miss shane.  I am discovering a lot about myself right now, etc. I feel like as the past few years have gone by that my patience has been getting thinner and thinner. It's been frustrating because i don't like it. I don't like lacking patience. I don't like feeling irritable and grumpy at the kids as often as i do. I don't like HEARING myself repeat the same things over and over and over again. I don't want to hear myself. By the end of a day i feel like i had a mental and emotional battle.  And when it's with the people i love the most it really makes me feel so bad and guilty and frustrated and seriously so tired and worn out. I don't feel this way everyday, but often enough that it bugs me.
I hear that boys are tougher at this age than girls are. I hope this is true. That means as they get older it might get a little easier(crossing fingers).  All i can say is i remember what i was like as a teenager and i am glad i don't have a girl. :) Although if i had one i would be glad i had one. Anyway, you know what i am saying here. I can definitely say that these boys give me a run for my money. They are non-stop energy, crazy, wrestling, get down and dirty boys. Sometimes there is just TOO much boy around here. It's exhausting.  They just want to wrestle, tear things apart, and eat all day long. They want to DO DO DO all day. phew.
I feel like i had gotten to a point where i wasn't enjoying being a mom. I think we will always go through this stage every few years with kids. Usually at a new stage. I remember not enjoying being a mom right after Tanner was born. Gavin was just barely entering his terrible two's.  It was a REALLY hard time in my life at that point. I felt like the only thing Gavin knew how to do was whine and cry. Honestly, he is really good at whining. hahaha! That's a whole other story though. BUT i have been feeling exhausted. I have been feeling like there is so much for me to do and i can't seem to find the time to enjoy my kids amongst it all. And when i did get the time to sit down, i just wanted to sit and rest and not do anything. And then i would feel bad at the end of the day.  It had been getting to a point where i was getting really frustrated at myself.
I have been praying and praying for patience and praying to ENJOY my kids MORE.  I feel like i have found it. Hopefully it's not temporary. Something about Shane leaving made me find it.  So, i am grateful that this is what needed to happen in order for me to get it back. I think being put in this situation kind of makes you step up your game. Sort of like i HAVE to otherwise it will fall apart. Well, maybe i need to have this mindset ALWAYS, even when shane is here. I should always be stepping up my game. Who knew that stepping up my game would make me happier and make life easier? I just thought it would make me more worn out, but it hasn't.  So, i am changing my mindframe and i am going to keep this mindset and try to keep my game UP. :) 
I really have been enjoying the kids. We have been doing lots of things together.  My patience is making life so much easier too. LIKE when Jaydon had a couple complete meltdowns today screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking his legs at me. There are times where it would infuriate me. But i kind of just was like, whatever. He calmed down quickly and always does when i don't really react to his tantrums.
Tanner was pretty upset tonight about daddy being gone. He was crying and saying he missed daddy and asking when he is coming home. And he said "i just love him so much."  He cried in my arms. I felt so sad for him and i wanted to start crying. The poor thing. They both came down after i put them to bed and were upset. "I am worried about daddy. I feel like something happened." They start crying as they tell me this.  I was thinking, "man, i can't imagine if he got deployed. These boys would really struggle."  Although i was wanting to cry when they told me this, but i can't. I just needed to make them feel better. I grabbed their hands and walked them upstairs and hugged them and told them they will see daddy in TWO days and how soon it is. They were scared and didn't want to sleep in the dark, so i turned on the hall light and left the door in a crack. After i did that and started leaving Gavin said, "Mom, thanks for helping us feel better." And tanner said, "Yeah, thank you mom." That's when i realized, i really need to make sure they always feel that love and comfort from me. I need to make sure i give them time and love all the time, like i have been doing the past few days. That's what it's all about. It can be easy to not do what i know i need to do. I just have to keep doing it til it becomes a habit and then that habit teaches me to enjoy and love it.
AND i am loving taking them to do fun things with me. I never have mommy and son dates.  And although i have all three of them, which doesn't qualify for a one on one date, it still feels like it to me. If i have all three with just me, it's usually for something like  basketball or school(something busy in life), but it's rare that i have all three. And even more rare that when i have all three that we are doing something FUN with just mommy. Man, you all are going to think i am a terrible mom.
Anyway, this experience is teaching me a lot about what kind of mom i want to be and teaching me love and patience. Something i have been praying for for awhile. Who knew it would come in a moment like this. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

{The animals are alive...everything is very alive}

I truly love tucking my boys into bed. Those are the best times.  Jaydon is still at that stage where his imagination is VERY alive. Here are a few conversations i have had with him...

Jaydon: I want to sleep with kitty(my stuffed animal from long time ago).
Me: Here she is.(i hand it to him)
Jaydon: She loves me. (He gets a big smile on his face.)

One time i hand him a zebra looking bear. Not sure what it is.
Jaydon: No, i don't want to sleep with him.((he is looking sad)
Me: Why , whats wrong?
Jaydon: He mean to me.
Me: he is? what did he do?
Jaydon: He hit me in the face. (said this so sad)
Me: Do you want me to take him out of here and have a talk with him?
Jaydon: yeah, you talk to him. Go talk to him.
When he wakes up in the mornings he will often have conversations with his stuffed animals.

His blanky was in the washer during his nap time. He was very upset about it, so i pulled out a small blanket i crochet a long time ago.
Me: Here is my special blanky. Please take care of it.
Jaydon: (smiling and feeling better) this your special blanky?
Me: Yes, please take care of it.
I leave and a minute later he is crying, so i go in his room
Jaydon: (crying) I don't want to sleep with your special blanky!

He likes to tell people what to do. He is very needy. BUT it's not really an annoying needy. It's so cute. Here is an example of when he needs to pee.
He is hopping around. When he has to go real bad he jumps up and down really hard.It's hilarious.
Me: Jaydon, please go pee.
Jaydon: Come with me.
Me: You know how to go pee yourself. Please go.
Jaydon: I don't want to go by myself. (he grabs my hand to lead me in the bathroom)
He starts peeing and so i start to walk out.
Jaydon: Noooo, don't leave me!
So, i stay until he stops peeing and ...
Me: Okay, put on your underwear and pants. (i start to leave)
Jaydon: Don't leave me. (HE points at me) Stay right there! Don't leave. (he starts struggling with putting his pants on) Me need help!

I try a few times to let him go to bed on his own like the other boys. Some nights i don't want to do it, as much as i do enjoy it.
Jaydon:(realizing i want to stay downstairs) Mommy, come with me.
Me: You go upstairs and get in bed and i will be up in a minute.
Jaydon: No mommy, come with me.(so sweetly)
Me: Okay.
Then from here its the same....he grabs my hand and has to hold it the whole way up the stairs and into his room. i really do love it even as tired as i am and may not want to do it sometimes. He has a break down if its not ME tucking him in. "I want my mommy!!!!"

He will tell me often, "mommy you look pretty" and smile at me.
He is very attached to me, but i haven't been any different with him than i was with the other boys. I have tried lots of times to push him into some independence with things i know he can do, but he doesn't want to do it. BUT there are many other things HE INSISTS on doing on his own. SUCH AS...
1. climbing into his highchair to eat and climbing out.
2. opening and closing the door into and out of the car.
3. brushing his teeth. I can't skip one brush because he insists on brushing, which is good.
4. Getting his own spoon or fork. He calls them his "baby spoon" or "baby fork". He loves calling them that.

He seriously has so much purpose to all he does. He walks with purpose, talks with purpose and IS with purpose. He is a confident little boy and KNOWS what he wants and doesn't want. He gets so excited about things, such as
1.when he see's a cat he freaks out. "A KITTY!!!" He points and runs towards the cat. "I want to pet her!!!!" "She LOVES me!!!"
2. When he see's a jet or plane or helicopter. He points to every single one in the sky and says what it is with such excitement!
3. Bathtime/shower time. It's very exciting for him!
4. If i mention the beach. "We going to the BEACH?!?!"
There are many other things he gets so excited about, but sometimes it's just a random thing i wouldn't expect.





Monday, May 7, 2012

{Our Sunday and Monday}

Well, yesterday was just like any other Sunday. I got the kids ready for church and we headed off. It wasn't difficult for me because i have to do this nearly every Sunday already. Shane is the ward clerk so he only gets to be home with me on Fast Sunday mornings. On our way to church the boys kept telling me how weird it is that dad isn't going to be with us.
I had to teach in Relief Society. Before church started they asked if the Elder's Quorum could join us for the lesson. Sheesh. No pressure or anything. It actually turned out fine. :) I also found out i will be released in two weeks from my calling because a new Relief Society President was called. It's bittersweet. I feel a great connection with the ladies i have been working with, and it's been a great learning experience and i have learned a lot, but i like change. REALLY, military is perfect for someone like me. I will get a new calling every year being in the military. :) haha!
We came home and ate and then the boys were dying to go catch some tadpoles. SO, we walked down the street to a small pond. It wasn't really a pond. More like a small water hole. But there were tons of tadpoles. The boys spent about 30 minutes trying to catch some. They were successful a few times. We came back and laid Jaydon down for a nap and then watched Planet Earth. 
During Jaydon's nap i was able to talk to shane! He is in Alaska. He said his body feels so OFF right now. They are 17 hours behind us. I can see how his body is feeling so weird, PLUS it's 10 p.m. there and light outside. His body is probably so confused as to what the heck is going on. He told me he is starting to feel sick too. I hope he will be fine considering he is sleeping out in a tent in the freezing alaskan mountains for the next 4-5 nights. Yikes. Poor guy.  
Then i started cooking some dinner. We ate and then we had a dance party.   Then we popped some popcorn, and ate it while i read the scriptures to them. Jaydon asked me right as i tucked him in when daddy was going to be home. It had only been one day, so hopefully he does okay until he gets back.

Monday i got Gavin and his friends off to school. Came back here and got the other two boys ready for the day and we went to the grocery store. I am being lazy with my cooking while Shane is gone. I am going to enjoy it. :)  We came back, i cleaned a little while i let the boys watch about half of a movie and then we headed to the beach. It was a beautiful , bright hot day. We hung out there and then came home just in time to pick up Gavin from school. After we picked up Gavin i realized i forgot to buy a few things i need for preschool this week. We ran to the craft store together and they helped me find the things i needed. We went home and i threw in a couple pizzas for the boys. After that we did our Family Home Evening Activity. We went walking around looking for good rocks so we can make pet rocks. We couldn't find any around here, so we decided the next best spot is down by the seawall.  We loaded in the car and went to the seawall. It was high tide, so we couldn't walk out like we usually do at lowtide.  BUT there were lots of rocks in the area where we usually park. We found a bunch and then went home, had our lesson, sang songs, read scriptures and i said goodnight. We are working on memorizing the third article of Faith. Both Tanner and Gavin have the first two memorized. Gavin also has the third one memorized, but we are trying to help Tanner learn it before we move on to the fourth article of Faith.  Then i talked with Shane just a little bit. It was 4 a.m. there and he was getting ready to head out for his camping. He only got three hours of sleep. He said he woke up at 2 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Poor guy. He is going to be so tired. Once he gets used to alaskan time he is going to turn right back around and have to get back on our time again. Gavin asked me today "When is dad going to be home?" in a sad impatient tone. They miss their daddy.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

{Just a little while}

Well, the boys and I took Shane to the airport today. He is TDY to Alaska for a little while. Lucky duck. I mean, maybe not so lucky to sleep in a sleeping bag in the cold ESPECIALLY when you are used to the warmth. He might appreciate the warmth even MORE than he already does after he gets back from Alaska. I think it will be really awesome to experience Alaska though so i am jealous he gets to see it and i don't! Bummer. My usual reaction to him being gone would be "oh my gosh, i have to live without him. This is going to be so hard." I feel like i can't complain or say a word here. I am surrounded my women who only see their husbands for three months out of the year. Mine is NOTHING compared to them. SO, i am NOT going to complain. :) I am lucky.
After we dropped Shane off the boys and i went to the southern tip of the island and they played on a playground there for about an hour and a half while i sat and finished my lesson for R.S.  This playground was at Peace Prayer Park.  They had Koinobori hanging EVERYWHERE. Koinobori are fish(carp) and they hang them up like a flag hangs.  They do this during their golden week, which is a big holiday here! It's to celebrate children. May 5th is Children's day. It was very crowded out today! This holiday traditionally celebrates the SONS in the house in hopes that they will grow strong and successful. Anyway, it was really cool to see all the Koinobori lining all the roads. Also, many houses with SONS will hang the koinobori's above the roof of their homes. So, there will be the largest koinibori for the dad, then one for the mom, and then a small one for each son , and the smallest for the youngest. I am so sad that i didn't take pictures. I couldn't take pictures because before we left i realized BOTH my batteries for my camera were dead. Unfortunate. Today was a great day for pictures. Great day.
Today was also Dragon Boat Racing Festival. It usually falls on the 5th day of the 5th month. Today.  I didn't want to try and tackle that by myself. I hear it can get pretty crowded, with parking being difficult to find. I was just too nervous to do it alone.  We will have to try next year. The summer time brings all kinds of fun festivals and celebrations that will occur here in Okinawa. I am excited to watch it all. :)
After the park we stopped at the family mart and picked up food for the kids. Gavin got some chicken nuggets. I got some anari sushi.  Tanner loves Onigiri, so he gets those everytime we go there. Jaydon ate some too. Onigiri are like rice triangles, completely wrapped in seaweed. Inside the triangle there is usually something, like fish or something. He likes the one with tuna inside it. I don't like seaweed, so i don't eat those. :) I am really glad tanner loves to eat them and loves fish and sushi. He will try lots of things. We also got some yummy japanese candies and snacks. They loved me for it. 
 I didn't get lost ONCE on our trip down south. I was so proud of myself. After we got our food at CoCo's, we then headed to meet some friends so we could all drive together to a special beach that they found a few years back. It's an awesome spot.  It'S a pretty hike to get there, and at low tide there is a tidal pool big enough for swimming so the kids swam there. Also, they said its an awesome spot for snorkeling with MANY colors of fish and coral. I am excited to take Shane's parents here when they come. They want to snorkel and this would be a great spot. We also made a little fire and roasted hot dogs. It was a fairly quiet spot. Part of the reason it's so quiet is because this is a spot where lots of japanese died during the war. The suicide cliffs are nearby, but in this area lots of people hid in caves that were all over.  The American were in their ships by the beach telling the japanese to come out and surrender and that they wouldn't hurt them. When the japanese started to come out of their caves, they would get shot in the back by the Japanese soldiers because they didn't want them to surrender.  This is also right by where the general took his life. SOOOO the japanese are very superstition about going down in this area because many spirits are present. And they think if you go near the water the bad spirits will pull you in.  We were safe though. :) It was a beautiful spot and a perfect spot for kids to swim.
After that we headed home. The boys showered up.  I fed them leftovers. They finished watching their movie from last night, Kung Fu Panda 2 and then they went to bed. Gavin said it was one of the best days ever. They really enjoyed it. I had Gavin sit in the front seat with me. He was being the man of the house today. He was passing out the food and directing the boys just like dad would do. It was fun watching him. :)
We were sad to see dad go today. I was very anxious about being on my own. But after todays adventure i realized I CAN DO IT. :) The fun day helped take our minds off of our sadness. On our way home, i felt empty again knowing we would go home and Shane wouldn't be there.
My goal is to help the boys by keeping them busy while he is gone. And before they know it he will be back. :) I have to teach preschool this week. I have to teach in R.S. tomorrow. I hope this week goes well. :)