{Not ready for this}

I am really struggling with the fact that my baby could be in all day japanese preschool starting this fall.  He is so ready for school. He will THRIVE in it. It will be really good for him. He will make friends easily. BUT I feel scared to send him off. It makes me want to cry. In fact, i am tearing up right now. I am trying to come to grips with the fact he will be heading off to school, and the fact that he is my baby and there will be no more. It makes me so sad. :',(  He isn't officially in any preschool yet, but i am searching for a good japanese preschool, and i would love it if he has a friend he knows to go on this journey with him.
I might possibly try a co-op with some friends, but i really feel like he is ready for a preschool off base, something that's more than just a couple hours for a couple days a week. He is just so busy, energetic, and extremely independent. Looking into all this makes me realize i am passing that stage of my life where i have my little toddlers at home with me. Oh it really makes me sad. I wasn't expecting this.

I know he is ready. I was noticing all the kids in Tanner's kindergarten class as they were walking out. Jaydon says HI to all the kids, and starts instantly playing with them even though he doesn't have a clue who they are. He will make friends with ease. AND he seemed like he would already fit right in with Tanner's kindergarten class. He was the same size as half of Tanner's class...and he is only three! He is beyond his years.

Jaydon is so thoughtful. And boy oh boy is he a charmer with any girl. He loves to charm. And he loves to take care of girls. Anyway, he is always picking flowers for me. Literally, everyday. He always gives me kisses and hugs. I don't have to ask. He will just come up to me randomly and give me a big ole kiss and hug and tell me he likes me. The other night he said "I really like you mom." I said "I love you too" because i thought he said "love"...Then he said "No, i said i really like you mom." I said, "I really like you too." Then he said, "I really love you too mom." I said "I really love you too." So sweet. I love the sweet things my boys do for me. At church on Sunday gavin passed me a note that said "I love you mom!" With a picture of me that he drew underneath his note. Those feelings i get from those precious moments are pieces of heaven. They are reminders of what life is about.

Jaydon sure is different than his brothers. He is extremely bossy(more with his family), very independent, knows what he wants, has a purpose to everything he does, has TONS of energy, and notices EVERYTHING and wants to tell me about EVERYTHING he notices. He likes to talk a lot more than his other two brothers did. Lately he is really trying to boss me around A LOT. He is trying to tell me how i should clean, how i should walk, what i should do, demanding my attention exactly when he wants it, etc. Really, it's getting exhausting. "Mom, shut my door." "Mom, don't do that!"  "Mom, why did you do that?!"  "Mom, look at this. Mom! Why didn't you look?!?!?!"  "Mom, stop saying that to me!" "Mom, i really want to do this." His bossing is nothing i experienced with the other two. He is like an untamed version of Shane. On and on he goes. If he doesn't get what he wants he gets very upset. I know he is only 3, but sometimes i feel like i am talking to a much older person. And i often find myself saying to him "Stop bossing me around. I know what i am doing."  OR "Jaydon, just calm down. It's ok. I will do it."  OR "Jaydon i know how to be a mom, stop telling me what to do all the time."  haha! He is getting bored during the days, always wanting a friend to play with every single day of every single hour. He is ready to fly a little, and i know i need to give it to him, but i'm having a hard time wanting to send him off to preschool. I need to get over it and just let go. I am sure by the time it comes to start preschool in a few months that i will be so ready to send him off...6 more months of his bossing and i might be saying BYE with excitement. Who knows. :)haha! All i know is that i love him. I love my boys. I wish i could keep them this age forever. Minus the bossing.