{Finding that "connection"}

Friendship....it's complicated. I am opening up here about my feelings, and this is something i don't like doing. But i gotta do it. Face my fears, right?! Well, i am going to try to type this in a good detailed way so that you can understand. My question to you is... What makes you find a good connection with others? What does someone have that makes you want to be buddy buddy with them? I feel like i do something wrong. Do i give off the wrong impression about myself? Are people misunderstanding me? Do i give off the wrong appearance? I feel like people might see me in a way that i am not. Maybe it's not even that. Maybe i think i am doing something wrong, but that isn't the case at all...? ugh. I don't know. I like having friends. I like connecting with people, BUT i feel like most girls don't see me as someone that they could be good friends with. OR maybe i have it all wrong. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe i don't see most girls as someone i could be good friends with. ? To be honest with you, i do have a hard time finding a good good friend. Don't get me wrong, i have a BEST friend who is like a sister to me. We have been friends since 6th grade. She REALLY feels like my sister. The problem is that we don't live close. It would be great to find a friend who lived close that i could drop by and just hang out, and she felt like she could do the same. Someone who understands me and i understand her. My best friend lauri understands me. I am not one who LIKES to talk on the phone, so sometimes i struggle to pick up the phone or struggle to call her back. She doesn't get offended by it b/c she knows how i am. She knows i still love her even though it might take me a week too long to call her back. :) She knows me. Maybe the problem is that i take a while to open up to people. It takes awhile for me to show them my WHOLE sekf, and to really feel like i can TRUST that person to let them into my life to know me well. I think i am so cautious b/c i've experienced letting people in and getting burned...a lot. OR i am afraid to show my complete WHOLE self for fear that when people learn all sides of me they won't like me. Let me tell you who i am with the people who know me BEST. Sarcastic, LOUD(yup), fun, caring, understanding, sometimes crude and gross(believe it or not), sometimes not quite a lady like most women are "supposed" to be, WEIRD, and dorky. If you are family or have known me well enough to get to see me like that then you know what i mean. My husband has seen it best. He can attest to how i am. :) BUT i am not sure i want him to spill the beans on that one. :) I know that everyone is like that in a way....that everyone doesn't completely open up to everyone who they TRULY are upon first meeting them. BUT i do know a lot of girls who just throw at you exactly who they are right from the beginning. I wish i could do that. I wish i could show my fun, loud, sarcastic, dorky, weird side, but i feel like i can't. Isn't that horrible?! On the other side, i am not saying i am FAKE with people who don't know me well. What most people see is me, my softer side. That is real too. Trust me. Everything you see IS real. I just wish i could open up and show my whole self without being afraid to show it. When i say crude....i don't necessarily mean that i am just gross with my talk. I am not. It's talking about those things that people might find "gross", but isn't gross to me. It's normal to me. I grew up in an OPEN family...we can talk about alot of things....therefore it's normal to me. BUT i still have sensitive ears when it comes to certain things, don't get me wrong.

As far as finding a "connection" with someone.... i have had a few, but not many. There is a lady in our ward here...the bishop's wife. :) She is someone i feel like i could talk to for hours upon hours. I LOVE talking with her. I connected with her. BUT how do i hang out with a lady who is the bishop's wife, has nine kids who are already out of the house....?? haha. I have a great connection with my best friend, of course! And i found a great connection with a couple girls in Cleveland. They were someone who i felt like i could talk to about LOTS of things too. We had a great connection. All these women are someone i found a great connection with. They are genuine, real, and someone i feel like isn't judging me and won't judge me. Someone who will be honest with me. Someone i know i can trust. Someone who will be my friend to my face and behind my back when i am not around. And i would do the same for them. I naturally gravitate to those kind of people. Anyway, maybe i am just not like other girls who can become best friends with everyone all in one day. And maybe that is okay. I guess i am out for more quality, than quantity. You knowwhat ? this is helping me figure things out about myself by typing all this out. I realize, i am out for more quality stuff. I like to find a deep connection. I like to have deep conversations. Not all the time. But once in awhile. That is how i find my connections. Anyway, it takes me awhile sometimes to open up with people, and maybe people can see that and they don't like that, so they don't really see me as someone they could become good friends with b/c i do have that little wall up that might take awhile to come down. I guess friendships are a lot like a relationship b/w husband and wife. Some people want the connection quick. I usually don't find the QUICK connection.

The reason i brought all this up is b/c when i know i am the ONLY one being left out of my group of friends it makes me sad. It hurts my feelings. I understand if you find a connection with just one person in your group of friends and split from the group. BUT when you are the ONLY one left out...yeah. It hurts. And i wonder what the heck i am doing wrong. I feel like i have felt that a lot. And i must be getting to a point where i am sick of it and feel like opening up about it to see how everyone else feels with all this friendship stuff. Every girl needs and wants to find a connection with other women.

It's interesting b/c i have felt many times when i first met someone that we could become good friends. And i remember saying to shane that i could see "her and i becoming good friends". BUT then nothing comes of it. We hang out a few times, but then that's it. But there have been some who i didn't think i could be good friends with who i ended up being good friends with. Funny how that works, huh?

Maybe i shouldn't let it bother me. BUT we all need friends. And until i figure out the friendship thing it will always be something i am working at until i figure it out. :)

So, i am curious. What kind of first impression i give off. It's funny b/c when you are doing something WRONG in a relationship you can talk about it. You can go to the person and confront them and say "what am i doing wrong" and they will tell you. You can't do that with friends as well, especially when you don't know them that well. So, i am asking you....and tell me HONESTLY....what was your FIRST impression of me? Also, how did you VIEW me AFTER we started hanging out more and became friends? I am starting to wonder if anyone reads my blog anymore, so i am not sure i will get many responses, but i really want to know. Basically, i want to know what i am doing wrong. How do you become good friends with someone?

{OH MAN}

Oh man is right!

First, CUPCAKES went seriously wrong. Cupcakes? Yup. I know, i know, cupcakes are so easy to make. Mix together the cake batter and throw it in those little darn muffin tins. WELL, i decided to try a new recipe. And in case you didn't know, there are some difficult ways to make cupcakes, BUT if you can achieve it they are sooooo delightful. :) I learned a lesson today...DO NOT ATTEMPT A NEW RECIPE FOR THE FIRST TIME ON THE SAME DAY YOU ARE GIVING IT TO A BUNCH OF GIRLS ! Yeah. Last night shane said to me "why don't you just buy cupcakes that are already made?" I insisted, "Honey, i have to make these cute b/c they are for the young women. PLUS, i don't have any girls to do stuff like this for...you know, making cute girly pink stuff....so this is my opportunity." He told me to make them last night, but i insisted on waiting until this morning. I got up early. Started making my cute girly cupcakes! I couldn't wait til they were done and all cute! As i am getting deeper into the recipe i started to worry. Seriously worry. Get this....the FROSTING called for me to put 5 egg whites plus a cup and a half of sugar in a bowl OVER simmering water in a pan and frequently wisk until it reaches 160 degrees and the sugar has dissolved. I have a thermometer, but it's a meat thermometer. I used it anyway. When it was near 160 and looked like the sugar was dissolved i then poored it into a different bowl and whipped it for ten minutes, which by then was supposed to be fluffy and be able to form a peak. Nope. No peaks. It looked the same as when i STARTED mixing it. Well, then i look down and it calls for me to put 4 sticks of BUTTER in!!!! WHAT?! Who is this?! Are you nuts?! Wait, i totally must have read it wrong. I keep staring at it..shocked that i am actually reading it right. Okay, well, i added 4 sticks of butter. Then added the vanilla and the food coloring to make it pink. The end result, to shane, tasted like a thick whipped cream. To me, i was disgusted. It tasted like butter. You might as well put a stick of butter on top of the cupcake b/c it's basically the same thing. I couldn't taste anything other than sweet butter. So, i want to frost them anyway b/c maybe if they are cute nobody will notice that the frosting tastes like butter. I put it in a ziploc bag, cut off the corner and start squeezing it on to make a pretty cute frosted cupcake. It didn't swirl onto the cupcake ANYTHING like i would have expected. It was UGLY! I stopped and said "Forget it! no cupcakes!" I called my mom and asked for a simple frosting. I made it and put it on some of the cupcakes, but i didn't like that either. It wasn't that good. I couldn't bring any cupcakes. Oh well. Seriously, i ate one of the cupcakes with the butter frosting b/c i thought "well, maybe if i add the frosting then it will taste really good when it's all together." Nope. It made me nauseous after i ate it. The cake part was REALLY good without the frosting. BUT WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND COMES UP WITH A FROSTING RECIPE WITH THAT MUCH BUTTER? sick. I really like this blog of recipes that i got this from, but someone messed up on that. UNLESS that is what those people like. That is worse than Paula Dean, and Paula Dean is extreme with the butter people! anyway. :) Really it's funny when i think about it now. And i am still grossed out and will be for a long time.

Today was the Primary program. I was so excited to watch the boys. They both head up to the front with their arms around each other the entire time. Watching them filled my heart. I couldn't stop smiling and just wanted to cry just from watching them. I am such a cheeseball mom! Oh i love it. I love them. They get up there and i am looking around and cannot see either one of them. Then i discover after some time that the sunbeams were sitting on the front row of the pews and Gavin was sitting right behind the pulpit, so the entire program the only time i saw them was when they gave their little quote. I was so sad. But aside from that they all did a wonderful job and they were all so reverent. On kind of the same note...our ward is growing like crazy. Lots of new converts and lots of investigators! We walked in today and it looked like Stake Conference. Half of the gym had seats and it was all filled. I seriously love my ward. I will be sooooo sad to leave this ward when we move. It is full of AWESOME faithful people. And a bishopric like i have never seen.

Oh, and i am wondering where my husband is...has anyone seen him? I cannot FIND him!!! :) jk. I know where he is, but i don't see him anymore. People, my whole head is gonna be grey by the time this residency is over. He wakes up every morning at 4 a.m.. And i am half way awake the whole time up until 6:45 a.m. b/c i don't do good sleeping alone. And he works until bedtime. He's been working Saturdays. Example...yesterday(saturday) he worked from 5 a.m.! until 8 p.m. He woke up this morning at 5 a.m. again and is still working. Oh, and he had to stay home with the baby today b/c the baby is sick. He will probably get done today around 5 p.m. This is his new life. I think i am being pretty supportive. He would say so. It is hard though! :) I make sure to have the house clean and ready for when he gets home in the evening. I do that b/c i KNOW how wonderful it feels for me, and also for him to walk into a house that is clean, with smiling faces, and wonderful food ready. I know it helps to take away some of the stress he is feeling. And i want to make my home a happy warm place and doing that will make it so. :) AND he needs it right now. He is working his toosh off. It also helps me A LOT to have a home that is clean, with my candles burning all day, with norah Jones playing in the house, and having the smell of the food cooking. Oh it's heavenly. Now i just need some plants in my house and some wind chimes in the backyard and it will feel so stress free. :) It helps keep my stress down when i can have all those things. Now you ask, what am i doing for myself to help relieve stress and make things lighter for myself? Well, what i just mentioned before that question is a big thing that helps. I am doing the things that i know will help me have patience and be a good mom and wife...reading my scriptures every morning, and saying my prayers often so that i can find the strength i need. That helps me a lot. Aside from that i have really gotten into COOKING AND BAKING. I have liked cooking for awhile, but i am trying lots of new recipes and Shane loves that. And i have been using my Bosch and making lots of breads. Which he loves even more! Crazy. I never would have guessed i would love cooking and baking if you asked me ten years ago where i would be in ten years. Never. haha!! ANYWAY, you can bet that when bedtime rolls around i am making sure those kids are getting into bed RIGHT AWAY. :) Boy am i ready. But every morning i have my strength back and am able to do it all over again.

I love my boys. They are so darn cute and so much fun. I don't have much patience sometimes. But i sure am learning lots of patience right now. So, another thing that helps is taking the time for them. When i get in those moods where they are driving me nuts, that is when i try to tell myself to relax and do something with them. When i make myself spend time with them when i don't feel like it that is when i am glad i did. B/c i always have fun with them and it makes me feel so much better. :)

And i am so going to start back into my exercise routine tomorrow morning. M ankle is soooo much better. But i am going to do p90x again. I can't do insanity(my new workout) b/c i can't run around and jump all over yet. But most of the workout in p90x are something i can take on. Oh, and my spinning. i am so ready to get back into all of that! With all this baking i am doing i better start back otherwise i will gain lots of weight.

It stinks not having my husband around. I hope when this year is over that he never gets deployed for 6 months. That would be a huge trial. I have a friend experiencing that right now and i hope and pray it doesn't happen. But whatever happens, happens...and we will deal with it and get through it. Boy am i going to cherish Christmas this year. He gets 2 weeks off! That will be sooooooo wonderful. And b/c of that i am already planning on how to make our first christmas at home a good one. I am making our christmas tree decorations, which are so cute. And i am making an advent calendar for the boys. I am going to make a few christmas decorations for the house. I am soooooo excited. And of course we are going to keep some traditions alive....like giving them all matching pajamas on Christmas Eve. Reading christmas stories on christmas eve by the tree with candles lit. Having our HUGE christmas breakfast that entails hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, sausage, cinnamon rolls, and pancakes. That makes me sick thinking about it right now b/c i am still sick from eating that cupcake. :) Then we celebrate Gavin's birthday Christmas Night. And this Christmas the boys will have their first good christmas from us. We are excited to have our own money to go buy them lots of toys. My family is coming here for Thanksgiving and we are going to put up all the decorations, the tree, and the outside lights on Thanksgiving night all together. I am excited for the Holidays! Can you tell?!?! And hopefully(crossing fingers) nobody will get sick this year for Christmas since we aren't traveling. And we won't have the expense of plane tickets, which i hear are expensive this year! We are definitely going to miss Shane's family for Christmas, but we are glad we were able to spend a month with them in Idaho and Utah over the summer. If anyone wants to come here for Christmas let us know! ;)

Anyway, i am blabbing on and on. I do this when i am not able to talk to my husband. I have too much to say. When Shane and i get in bed at night i am ready to start talking and he is ready to fall asleep, so i usually start talking for 5 minutes and then he falls asleep in the middle of my conversation to him. So, i guess i will be doing a lot of blabbing on here. Thanks for listening. :)

{Do you prefer all 4 seasons OR Not?}

I have made a decision. I used to say i wanted to live somewhere that gets no snow. I have changed my mind. Now, i am so not saying that i love snow. I can DEAL with snow as long as i am somewhere that doesn't have a gloomy winter. :) I am REALLY REALLY missing fall out east. It is soooooo beautiful there during the fall. TREES galore. Nothing but bright reds, yellows, and oranges. I need to move back that direction. Maybe to Boston or something. Have you seen Hocus Pocus? If you haven't you are nuts. That is such a fun Halloween movie. If you have seen it do you remember the scenery in it? I think it is in Boston or somewhere nearby. One of the reasons i LOVE watching it is b/c the area the movie is set in is so beautiful. I love the houses, all the leaves. It is dreamy. Really i can't complain b/c i am really enjoying the nice weather here. It is in the low 80's and is SUNNY a lot, which is what i need and want. BUT at the same time, i love Fall. I am missing it right now. I love the crisp beautiful BRIGHT colors. I love the feeling that i get when that coolness fall feel comes into the air. And really , no place is quite like the EAST when it comes to the fall. I wish i could customize weather and make every season exactly what i want it to be and look exactly the way i want it to look. :) ANYWAY, just had to say that. I think i am ready to live in a place with all four season. Now, we do get all four seasons here, BUT not quite like i want it. Eeewww, i am just so picky! :) When winter comes around i might change my mind and say, FORGET all 4 seasons! I LOVE this! :)

{Thinking Back}

We just found out that one of shane's family members is pregnant. When they went in for the ultrasound they told them that their baby has gastroschisis. It brought back a flood of memories! For those who don't know, our son Tanner had the same thing. We went in to find out the gender and were struck with the news. I had c-section two weeks early. They said i could have a vaginal delivery, but that seemed to creepy to me. I couldn't do it. After the cesearean delivery they wrapped him up and brought him over to show me his face and that lasted for about 10 seconds. Then they rushed him off. I didn't get to see him after that for about 2 hours. I couldn't hold him until about 2 weeks after he was born. This is a little graphic, but here are his intestines that were out of his body. They put it in this silo-like thing and slowly put a little bit of his intestines back in everyday. I think they had it all back in about 4 days after birth. He had surgery about one week after birth.

He didn't eat anything until after his surgery. They just had him hooked up to an IV line to give him nutrients. BUT the IV lines kept blowing. So, they had to resort to trying to put one in his head, but that didn't work either. So, they ended up putting a broviac line in. That one worked, but you have to be careful with those b/c they are close to the heart and can cause infection.

I was in and out of that hospital every SINGLE day for that whole month. For me, i try to be strong. I have to keep it all together b/c if it don't then it will all fall apart. So, that's what i tried doing this whole time. I was so excited for his surgery b/c i knew it would be all over. But when the time came for him to go back into surgery i started crying my eyes out. I couldn't hold it in. I was scared. And one night my poor dear hubby broke down. I have NEVER seen him break down like i did that one night, nor have i ever seen it since. It was all heart wrenching.

This is his little foot. His foot turned black and blue b/c they kept poking it in order to draw blood. Yeah, they poked him A LOT.

All swollen... :(

Slowly getting those intestines back in...

Here he is a few days after surgery and not so doped up anymore.

Sleeping peacefully and soundly.
He was able to move to the step-down unit after he had his first poop after surgery, which took another week or so. So, this was the first time Gavin was able to see his baby brother. While in the step-down unit he got an infection from the broviac. He had started eating real food a few days before and so when he got the infection they took his food completely away. He was screaming constantly. I couldn't stay in his room at night when that happened b/c it was too hard. He was screaming and screaming and i couldn't fix it. So, i slept at home and let the nurses take care of him and they did a wonderful job. I had to do that in order to keep it together, otherwise i would have fallen apart, gotten sick, etc. I would have ended up in the hospital myself.


Finally, peaceful at home.

He was born Sept. 28th and finally came home a few days before Halloween. Wasn't he such a pretty baby?! Auntie Holly wrapped him all up all cozy with a blankie, laying on her pillow. Let me tell you, getting him home wasn't the end. I was in and out of the darn hospital every single week. His liver levels were off and they couldn't figure out why so we had to go in and draw his blood NUMEROUS times. And EACH time they had such a hard time finding the vein, so they usually had to try 5 different times in one visit. It was soooo soooo sad. AND soo sooooo hard on him and on me. I hated being there to watch it. They finally found out what it was, which was such a relief. He has alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency. ALSO, before he came home from the hospital they found out he had hypospadius, which is where his pee hole was lower than it should have been. SOOOO, he had to have a surgery to fix that. Not only that , but he wasn't responding well to any kind of formula, so we put him on a formula that we needed a prescription for. I can't remember the name of it, BUT it was $40.00 a can! Yup. Thank goodness for WIC. Wow, the first 6 months of his life were absolute chaos, emotional turmoil, and everything all mixed into ONE. Going through that ride, while experiencing the blue's i always get after having a baby, plus another huge thing in my life at that same time that was devastating news for me that was still very fresh and new made it an extremely challenging time! Holy cow. WOW. Reliving ALL of that is like a nightmare. haha! It all hit at once. They say it comes in three's...well, there you have it. Baby with lots of problems, devastating news, and baby blue's. I am so glad that part of life is over and soooo glad my little Tanner is now a healthy normal boy. :)

{It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...everyday}

Right around the corner from our house is a river. There are many lovely houses that have the view of the river outside their back door. I drive by this a few times a day. And my favorite time to drive by is in the morning when the water is perfectly still and the light is beautiful from the morning sun. I have been wanting to take a picture of it for weeks and i finally did it this morning on the way to Gavin's school. Pretty, huh?...

Now, this is about the only pretty area of Texas during fall. Texas isn't anything like Cleveland in the fall. In cleveland we had WONDERFUL bright yellows, reds, oranges. They were bright. Here we have those colors but they are extremely dull and brownish versions of those colors. I could sit by this water all day long. The fall here is wonderful. The weather has been in the low 80's, which doesn't feel hot at all. It feels like the low 70's when it's in the low 80's. The evenings are in the 50's. It's wonderful. I really like it here. It just needs to be bigger with more things to do and then i might want to stay.

{TO all my creative friends...yes, ALL of you}

I have a question for you. I am making binders for each of my beehives. I am putting in A Proclamation to the World, The Living Christ, A paper for what each virtue color means, a spot for handouts, a spot for notes, and i want a spot where they can put a copy of their Patriarchal Blessing, and a spot for their Personal Progress book and journal. I want to make a pocket or something like it to put it in. Any ideas? I don't want it to go in the side pocket of the binder b/c it makes it look messy and stretches out the vinyl and looks bad. So, do you have a good idea for me? Keep in mind, i don't sew. :) Maybe they have pockets at the store that i am not aware of? Thanks for any help! :)

{Random writings}

First- I just finished reading my friend's post about how she broke her wrist and she told stories about how so many people were there to help her out. Friend's came left and right to help her out. After i read that i thought, man, she is lucky. hhmmm... I do have one here that i know of that would do that. She is wonderful. Really. Then it made me think....do people who have wonderful friend's like that realize how lucky they are?

And a random change here....but do people who live close to temples (within 30 minutes drive) realize how lucky they are? Truly? I think about people who live 10 minutes away and i think, "man, do they realize?" Most of my life i have always lived at least 2 hours from a temple. AND since we have been married that has been the story. It can be so hard sometimes to find the time to get there. It's frustrating. I feel the urge to go, but can't. I mean, life is busier than it has ever been. Each night is filled with something....weekends are filled with shane being on call or some kind of YM/YW activity i need to attend to, or something is happening. So, it can be really hard to match our schedules up so that we can go. It's a 2 hour drive there and back. That is 4 hours of driving. Then taking turns to go in is another 4 hours. So, it's a full day that we need to find time for. If i had a temple within a 30 minutes drive or less, i could tell shane when he got home from work "i am going to the temple, see you in 2 1/2 hours!" That would be so nice. Do you guys who live close to temples realize how lucky you are! And i know 2 hours isn't bad compared to some people who live hours and hours away in some places, but 2 hours away is a long time when you have a somewhat busy schedule and three kids.

Get this...I sprained my ANKLE! UGH! I decided to start doing the INSANITY workout. It kicks butt! So, on my third workout i sprained my ankle. I guess it was my fault though. I workout in front of the tv and a few feet behind me is the coffee table. I was doing some jumps and i must have jumped back pretty far, not realizing it, and the inside of the foot caught on the leg of the table and my ankle rolled out and i heard a loud POP. Oh it was painful. I was yellling and groaning for help and i am glad shane hadn't left yet for work. I was thinking to myself that this pain better not last for too long b/c i won't be able to take it. Shane elevated my foot instantly, put ice on it and gave me medicine. Smart guy. :) About an hour later it really wasn't hurting anymore and i tried putting a little weight on it and it didn't hurt. I thought that was so weird. The swelling started about 2 hours later and it was like a bubble of water. I went in later that day and the doctor said i sprained my ankle. She said there were no broken bones. I didn't know exactly what it meant when i heard the word sprain. So i asked my dad "what was that loud pop then?!" I guess when you sprain your ankle you are pulling the ligaments further than they should go and i must have torn some ligaments. So, i got a brace and have been limping around. I hate it. I hate limping. I hate not being able to move quickly. AND i can't stand not being able to workout. Working out makes me feel good. When i can't do that it is hard. So, i can't say there are too many things i have learned from this. I have learned that i LOVE being mobile. My boys were very sweet to me and tender. It is sweet. And my husband was there to help out when he could, but he has been quite busy. :(

Speaking of, i am already looking forward to this year of residency being over. :) Shane's work is picking up and life is getting more busy than i want it to be. He has been working on Saturday's the past two weekends, whether he is on-call or having to do stuff that needs to be finished before monday. So, i get him on Sunday. Week nights are busy for both of us. It's crazy. I only have three kids. I can't imagine having more! Life needs to sloooooow down. please. And my ankle needs to be better. Please. :)

Uuuuhhhhhhhh..... :) (at least i am still smiling!)

Speaking of "lucky".... I should say a few things i am lucky for...i feel lucky that the weather here is so great. :) We are in the low 80's mostly and it feels awesome. Lots of sun too. I know i am going to feel real lucky when winter rolls around and i don't have to experience the cleveland winter anymore. :) And i also feel lucky that i am surrounded by kind and happy people. :)

{Oxymoron of the day...}

Last night i was watching Biggest Loser. Shane gets home from teaching institute. He says, "Let's eat some ice cream." Next thing we know we are sitting their watching Biggest Loser while eating ice cream. Hhhhmmmm...

{What's NEW?}

Well, Gavin is taking off in SOCCER! He LOVES it! He has practice once a week and games twice a week. That's three days of soccer a week! Good thing b/c he loves it. Did i mention that he loves soccer? ;) hehe...He really is learning to maneuver the ball with his feet really well. He has had 2 games now, and he has scored ALL the goals at BOTH games. He just does AWESOME at it. I think we will always keep him in soccer. We have a PRO soccer player on our hands! :) He still LOVES school and can't get enough. He is learning to read really really well. He is sounding out letters well and can sound it out into a word. He already knows lots of words. He knows how to pick words out of a sentence...for example "see, like, it, am, look, the, I, etc. There are others, but i can't remember. I can't believe he is on the verge of reading. It's crazy to me. Before we know it shane and i won't be able to spell out words to each other to keep the boys from knowing what we are talking about. He is going to be SIX in 2 1/2 months! CRAZY! :)

Tanner LOVES having time with just mommy every single day while Gavin is in school. He loves helping me bake and cook. He loves preschool time. He loves to RUN. He runs all over the place. It's so funny b/c we like to laugh at him b/c he is so cute when he runs and a little slow. BUT he is the dark horse. He has started getting faster and faster at running. We won't be laughing for much longer b/c he is picking up speed fast! :) He loves to take care of mommy. :) hehe. I love it. He likes to play with my hair. When i went up into the attic today he said to me with concern, "mom, are you going to be okay up there? I don't know what's going to happen." It was so cute. He just loves our time alone we get.

Jaydon is just a happy happy baby. Bipolar sometimes. He will be happy and then out of nowhere he gets mad and tries to attack me. By attack, i mean he tries to come up and hit me. WHAT?! I know. Where is that coming from? My other two boys weren't like that. My boys haven't been the violent hitting type. BUT man, Jaydon is and i don't have a clue where it's coming from. He makes me nervous sometimes. :) hahaha...sounds funny but i am mainly serious. :) He just loves his milk and bananas. Can't get enough of that stuff. He loves riding the horse (on my lap) and loves books. He is very loud and expressive and his brothers are already intimidated by him. He has a very dominating personality. He is so funny and cute though. He loves to be friendly and charming to people he doesn't know.

I have been busy keeping up the house. Just being a house mom. I am loving it more and more. Since the boys are getting older it's becoming more enjoyable. No baby stage and i am a good mom! :) I have been making homemade whole wheat bread, homemade pizza dough, homemade french bread. I love it b/c i feel so proud after i do it. And it tastes good. And i don't have to buy it. :) I am getting back into my workout routine. That is always good. :) I am spinning and getting in my cardio with INSANITY. It's insane let me tell ya. I am enjoying my calling in Young Women's. It's great. That's the main thing my life is made up of right now. Notice i haven't been putting up many pics? Sorry. I will get some up soon. I just find that i don't have much time to sit and make photos look cute anymore. Maybe i just don't feel like taking the time. I have been trying to stay off the computer as much as possible b/c i realized that i was putting too much time into the computer and i didn't want it to be that way, and making my photos look cute keeps me on the computer longer than i want to be. Sorry ya'll. I will put some up soon.

Shane is staying busy with his calling as institute teacher and on base. He told me today "the crud is about to hit the fan"....that means that things are about to get CRAZY-insane at work. I am not looking forward to it, BUT i am excited for him b/c he is going to learn a TON according to his friend who was at this base the year before him. They are a pretty tough base here, but it's good. He needs it. He is going to get lots of exposure to every specialty in Dentistry. He hasn't been working out since he took his PT test, which he got a 96% on! Go SHANE! That is awesome i think. I am working out and he said "I need to keep working out. I don't want you to leave me in the dust!" hahaha. He is such a good dad and the best husband. I couldn't ask for anyone more perfect for me. Yes, it's been almost seven years and we STIIIILL love to be with each other when we get every chance. I know, to some that seems craaaazy! To others, they know exactly what i mean and are the same as me. :)

{General Conference}

Here is my post about General Conference. I do this after each one. It's tradition now, i think. :)

I LOVE General Conference. I can't wait for it to come and i make sure i am right there listening to every speaker. I enjoy each and every message that is given. But there are always the one's that STICK with me and touch me a certain way. Those talks are...

1. Elder Richard Edgley. The 1st counselor of the presiding Bishopric. He talked about FAITH. It was good.
2.Elder Eyring. He talked about putting our Trust in the Lord.
3.Our wonderful Prophet. He talked about Pausing and contemplating our blessings. Being GRATEFUL and having an attitude of GRATITUDE. I know that a happy heart is a grateful heart.
4. Elder Uchtdorf. I LOVE each and every talk of his. He draws me in. He talked about SLOWING DOWN. Stop filling our schedules so full. So many people think that their self-worth depends on how full their schedule is, which is unfortunate. He quoted, "simplicity is the ultimate sophistication". He said "slow down a little. Truly see the things that matter most. Evaluate our lives. Evaluate our relationship with God, family, men, and ourselves. Most of all, he said, "With your family, LOVE is taking time for each other. Talking WITH each other RATHER than ABOUT each other." I really enjoyed his talk. I had a talk with my cousins about this. How women these days feel the need to be sooo busy. It's like a competition to see who can be busier. WHY? I don't know. It's like, if they aren't constantly busy and every hour in their day isn't filled with something to do then they are lost and don't know who they are. It's crazy to me. For awhile i remember looking at mom's who were staying busy all the time b/c they WANTED to. I thought something was wrong with me for not doing the same thing. I don't feel that way anymore. I love the times i can just sit and do nothing. I love the time i actually get with my husband. I love the times that i can be lazy with my kids and we can just hang out and talk and play around. And quite honestly, i am not a person that could ever like being busy. It goes against my nature to be busy. :) When life is busy it makes me stressed and i can't handle it. I don't like any part of the word busy or chaos. So, its easy for me to not fill my schedule.

A message that i noticed that seem to come across the most during this General Conference was FAITH and putting our trust in the Lord. I like any talk about FAITH. I feel so strongly and deeply and passionately about having FAITH. I have seen how having faith in my life has been a tremendous blessing in countless ways. One of the Elder's said that when we put our faith in him and trust him he will come to trust and have faith in us. Especially when we learn to act on spiritual promptings.

{Mom, did you know?}

Today i was looking through the personal progress book for our Young Women. When you open it there is a picture of Christ and in front of his picture is a transparent picture of the temple....so when the pictures are put together you can see both Christ and the temple together. You know what i am talking about? Of course you do. Anyway, Tanner looked at that and then looked at me, and said to me in a way that he thought i didn't know, but very firmly and gently, "Mom, did you know the Temple is the House of God?" I looked at him and said, "Yes, you are so smart. I am so glad you know that. You will get to go there when you turn 12 years old." He then said to me in a way like i was silly for telling him b/c he already knew, "I already know that mom." I just said, "Oh, okay. Good." I didn't know how to respond. He just stared at me and smiled with confidence. It was very sweet and moving. :)
Maybe it's just coincidence, but all three of my boys when they were babies did something really cool that i like to not think of as just coincidence. When Gavin was about 3 months old. I put a picture of Jesus in front of him and told him it was Jesus and he got a huge smile on his face. It brought me to tears to see that. With Tanner i did the same thing. I didn't do it early in life with Jaydon, but a few weeks ago at church i had one of those small pocket sized pictures of Jesus. I pulled it out and showed Jaydon and i said, "This is Jesus"....he got a big ole smile, quickly grabbed the picture from me and gave it a big kiss. It was the sweetest moment. I won't forget it and i haven't forgotten my other boys looking at his picture and smiling at such a tiny age. I love it. I feel like i have so much i can learn from my boys, spiritually.

Oh, and i just want to share something with other mom's because i think it applies to all of us mom's. I can be hard on myself at the end of the day...."i should have done this with the boys, i could have done better at this, i could have been a bit nicer about that...." and so on. You mom's know how it goes. Too much of that can get to me. I was on the lds.org and watching a message or something. I don't remember what i was watching. But i suddenly got the distinct impression and a whispering "you are too hard on yourself." I knew someone up there was telling me something. I am too hard on myself. It's hard not to be with such an important job. I now tell myself I am a good mom. I try so hard everyday to be the best i can be and that is good enough. :) After that experience i have been a better mom. Interesting how that works. That feeling motivated me to be better. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us that we are doing good and when it comes from the Spirit it REALLY HELPS. It's motivating. :) So to all you mom's. You are a good mom. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)