{Running through my head}

I always have ideas running through my head of how my dream home will look one day. Whenever i see something i really like i keep that image in my mind. I also keep in my mind things i want to make sure i never have in my home one day....i have learned a few of those things by living in our home in cleveland and here in texas. I have patterns, textures, lighting, colors, etc. going through my mind OFTEN. It's funny b/c i feel like i know what i want and what my style is, but i feel like i am not good at expressing it. When i look through blogs about home decor, i can easily point to exactly what i want and love. I know the feeling i want in my home. I know my style. One day, when we build our dream home it will be very exciting. I realize it might be years and years away, but it will happen one day. Ohhhh and the landscaping of the yard...eeeeeee! I can't wait. That's a huge thing too! Anyway, so here is the thing. Shane and I talk about our dream home on occasion and he and i are a bit different on opinions. What are some things you could sacrifice in a home in order to get something else you really want? What is something you must have? Something you must not have!? For me.... I can sacrifice SIZE as long as i can make the inside look and feel exactly the way i imagine. For me, the inside is what matters most and i can sacrifice size and exterior look in order to get the dream look on the inside. To me, that is all that matters b/c that is where we spend our time. NOW, when i say exterior, i am just referring to the house. The landscape is a big deal to me too. Here is what i think....if a home is very well landscaped it can look good no matter the look of the exterior of the home. So, if the exterior of the home isn't very dreamy, the landscaping can make it so. :) That's just me. So, in conclusion....the landscaping of the home and the interior is what matters MOST to me. Do you care most about the size? the interior? the exterior? the landscape? the location? Speaking of location! oh my gosh...how could i forget. I want to live out sort of in the country. I don't want to feel isolated...i do want neighbors, but i also want plenty of privacy provided by LOTS of trees around my house! So, tell me your thoughts!

{Our Soccer Champion}

These are some pictures from Gavin's last soccer game of the season and from the Soccer Skills Challenge they had for all the teams. He has been in soccer for a couple of months and he has LOVED it. He played in Cleveland too and loved it then. He was the star of his Cheetah's team. He played on base with all the other military kids. He was so focused every single game on that soccer ball! He was constantly running. I wish i had his energy! I told him that as soon as soccer is over we are going to put him in basketball. He said "Why? i want to play soccer again!" I had to explain that the season is over, but as soon as it starts back up we will put him in it again. He is excited. Now he is acting excited about basketball. He had his first basketball practice last Monday and we are going again tonight. He surprised me at basketball practice. I haven't seen him dribble a ball before and he dribbled so good! And i have never seen him make a basket in a real basketball hoop and he made quite a few in! I think they lowered the 10 feet hoop to an 8 foot. But still, he was making them in! He was sooooooo proud of himself when he made it in. I was so excited for him! Tanner is going to play soccer next year. He is so excited. He and Gavin play soccer almost everyday with each other. I must say, Tanner has pretty good skills at manuvering the ball with his feet.
Anyway, here are some pictures of Gavin at soccer....

Random picture! Just had to sneek this one in!...

Had to sneek another one in! he is looking at daddy with that big ole smile! :)

Can i just say...it is 75 degrees here! It's PERFECT weather right now!

{Texting/facebook and food for thought}

Me and the boys had a car coming straight towards us while driving. He was in our lane. I started slowing down and he finally looked UP from texting and swirved back over into his lane, but was still holding his phone with both hands resting on the steering wheel, TEXTING! It is driving me nuts how people are with it. I used to text while driving, but have made a commitment to stop doing that. If i have to text i will pull over, but i never find the need to pullover to text. I just wait til i get home.
Another thing....i notice young teens on their phones constantly. During mutual they are on it almost the entire time. Which i plan to have a talk with them about that one! :) Or, get this.....i went outside to look for a youngin and this person was outside texting, and this person's friend was texting too. They were laying on the ground just texting away. I said "where have you been? Why didn't you come into mutual?" I mentioned that the President was looking for them. She said "well, why didn't she text me?!" Sort of like "hello, text me! You don't have to get up off your bum, you can just text me!" ha! You have to be kidding. OR get this....one of our leaders texted one of the girls out of the group of girls in my car (on the way home from a dance) asking her to ask the other girls if anyone needs a ride home. One of the girl's said "Why doesn't she text me to see if i need a ride? Why is she texting you? She knows my number, she can text me. Tell her that if she wants to know if i need a ride she can text me." Like, oh my goodness....i am miss queen. I then proceeded to say "She is doing that b/c it's a lot easier than texting every single one of you." Teens don't realize how good they have it, OR how bad they have it.
I heard something on the radio about how people are getting so deep into texting AND facebook that they forget they can talk to people. Like there are people who say they found out about a death in the family through facebook first, not a phone call. Seriously. Are you kidding me? Big events like that and people can't pick up the phone? Instead loved one's have to hear about it through facebook?!
Not only that , but we are in a society that is so much wanting instant gratification that it's sickening. I mean, i don't know how good Obama has done, but everyone seems to be disappointed. I don't care to keep up with it all b/c i am sick of politics. ANYWAY. One thing i DO know is that people wanted obama to fix this nation overnight and when he didn't they got angry. I think it takes lots of time to fix a place as messed up as USA. And we are so much a society wanting instant gratification that since he didn't fix it overnight they now want new people in office. Can't we all have a little more patience?! PATIENCE people. Seriously.
We are all ruining ourselves. Before we know it everyone will be OVERWEIGHT and sitting with their faces in front of their computer ALL DAY LONG and TEXTING ALL DAY LONG. Wait, that's already happening. Anyway. It's all starting to bug me b/c i feel like i am seeing it more and more. To the point where it's almost shocking.
Oh and here is some food for thought(tell me what you think)....Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Have you noticed that? For example...in the stores. Do you think it has anything to do with how bad the world is getting? Here is what i mean....Christmas makes people happy. Everything seems so much better when it's Christmas time. People are more giving, more helpful, more everything. It's a happier time. It's the most wonderful time of the year. :)Maybe Christmas keeps starting earlier and earlier b/c people need it more and more. They want that feeling to last longer than it does. They want that GOOD in their life as much as they can get it b/c there isn't much good in the world , and they are trying hard to find something good to hold on to for longer...Christmas.

{Our little moment...and catching up on posts}

After I put the kids to bed last night Shane decided to take a break for a few minutes from his studies and asked me if i would walk with him to get the mail. Our mailbox is down the street and around the corner. We were walking, i put my arm around his waist. He then put his arm around my waist. I said, "Wow, i feel like we are on a date!" It was so NICE to just have a moment where it was just the two of us walking arm in arm, worrying about nothing for a moment and just enjoying being arm in arm.... and pretending we were on a date. :) I made sure to thank him for the date when we walked back in our house. :)Little moments like that make my day all better and make me so happy. It was about 4-5 minutes, but i loved it. We walked back in and he studied his powerpoints until 10:30 p.m. And hopefully in two days he will get a little bit more time to just hang out with us.

{More Halloween Pics}

I am doing a few posts today trying to catch up on blogging. Here are some more pics... Mighty mighty dragon...

Optimus Prime!!....

Our little Bumblebee getting in position to sting! haha!

Isn't he a darling bumblebee?

{Oh Christmas Tree}

So, i was at Michael's yesterday buying all kinds of crafty stuff so i can make my own Christmas Decorations. I really want our first Christmas at home to be special and i want it to feel like Christmas and be like a Winter Wonderland for the kids. What better way than to have Christmas decorations up all over the house. So, Christmas decorations can be expensive...at least the stuff i would want to buy...and then there are other christmas decorations you can buy, but just are not my style. Soooo, i am making my own. What i like. :) While i was at Michael's i noticed that they were playing Christmas music already. Every other song was a Christmas song. I realized something...as much as i LOVE Christmas i cannot start playing it too early b/c by the time Christmas actually does get here i will be getting tired of the Christmas music. So, i am going to hold off as long as i can. :) Here is the first thing i have made....

The next things i am making are ornaments for our Christmas tree since we have NONE....The past years we just put up our Christmas tree with some lights and that is it. It is pretty pathetic. So, i thought it's about time we get some ornaments on that tree. Homemade Ornaments. :) I will show you those as i start to finish them.

{HaLLOwEeN....Boooooo!!!}

Halloween was exciting this year because Mandi and Luke and their three kids came to spend it with us. They arrived Thursday evening and left to go back home on Monday morning. There isn't much to do here in Wichita Falls, but i know they enjoyed the weather being that they came into 70 and 80 degree weather straight from snow. :) We celebrated Halloween on Saturday night rather than Sunday night. The ward had a big Halloween party and a big Trunk or Treat show up. I didn't get a good picture of all of them together. I have been doing horrible lately! As soon as Mandi posts some pics on her facebook i can show you some more pics! :)

Here is Tanner, as a dragon, and Uncle Luke...as.....i am not sure. I think he wasn't sure either. He painted his hair white/grey. You will always see Tanner with a big smile like this when he has candy.











































Gavin was Optimus Prime again this year. What is that look he is giving me? He is supposed to be happy! It's Halloween man! :) Standing there next to him is his cousin, Karsyn. She was such a cute little ladybug. Can you see Jaydon's stinger in this pic? I do. :)

Here is their other cousin, Lincoln. He was SUPERMAAAAN! :)

Here's Mandi...a clown....the prettiest clown i have ever seen!

Here is Tanner eating his monster cupcake that he won from the cake walk.

Here is our little(i mean, BIG) Bumblebee getting ready to sting someone if they don't put candy in his mouth! :)

There are no pics of Shane and I. Again, Mandi has a few of shane and I and as soon as she posts them i will post them on here. Shane was a Zombie and i was a Gypsy. We had tons of fun that night!

{IBS}

Anyone ever have problems with Irritable Bowel Syndrome? Or know anyone with it to know what the experience is like? Yesterday i started experiencing pains VERY similar, almost the same, as when i had a bowel obstruction(when the staple pinched off my intestine). It started at 9 a.m. and lasted until 2:30p.m.....during that time the pain increased the longer it went on. I got to the Urgent Clinic and for about an hour i experienced HORRIBLE stabbing pains in my upper abdomen. It felt like someone had a few knives and were stabbing it and twisting them all over in that one region of my stomach. It was just above my belly button. The pain was so intense that i couldn't control my emotions....i was squeezing shane's hand and the chair. I would have to say it was as intense, if not more, than the labor pains i have experienced. At 2:30 while waiting in the waiting room the pain suddenly stopped. Completely. I have been fine since...although i have been feeling a bit sick to my stomach, feeling kind of crampy and bloated. I woke up a few weeks ago in the middle of the night with these similar pains, but not near as intense. It bothered me enough to make me worry, but only lasted about 30 minutes. And before that i have experienced these pains a little, just randomly, but again, not severe. I went in and she felt my stomach and everything felt fine to her. She did a blood test to make sure i had no infection. Then she decided to diagnose me with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Oooookay.

Anyone experience problems with the IUD? I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with that only b/c i have been experiencing lots of problems with that for the past month and a half. Let me know what you think. I called to set up an appt. with the OB, BUT i can't be seen for a whole month.

{Finding that "connection"}

Friendship....it's complicated. I am opening up here about my feelings, and this is something i don't like doing. But i gotta do it. Face my fears, right?! Well, i am going to try to type this in a good detailed way so that you can understand. My question to you is... What makes you find a good connection with others? What does someone have that makes you want to be buddy buddy with them? I feel like i do something wrong. Do i give off the wrong impression about myself? Are people misunderstanding me? Do i give off the wrong appearance? I feel like people might see me in a way that i am not. Maybe it's not even that. Maybe i think i am doing something wrong, but that isn't the case at all...? ugh. I don't know. I like having friends. I like connecting with people, BUT i feel like most girls don't see me as someone that they could be good friends with. OR maybe i have it all wrong. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe i don't see most girls as someone i could be good friends with. ? To be honest with you, i do have a hard time finding a good good friend. Don't get me wrong, i have a BEST friend who is like a sister to me. We have been friends since 6th grade. She REALLY feels like my sister. The problem is that we don't live close. It would be great to find a friend who lived close that i could drop by and just hang out, and she felt like she could do the same. Someone who understands me and i understand her. My best friend lauri understands me. I am not one who LIKES to talk on the phone, so sometimes i struggle to pick up the phone or struggle to call her back. She doesn't get offended by it b/c she knows how i am. She knows i still love her even though it might take me a week too long to call her back. :) She knows me. Maybe the problem is that i take a while to open up to people. It takes awhile for me to show them my WHOLE sekf, and to really feel like i can TRUST that person to let them into my life to know me well. I think i am so cautious b/c i've experienced letting people in and getting burned...a lot. OR i am afraid to show my complete WHOLE self for fear that when people learn all sides of me they won't like me. Let me tell you who i am with the people who know me BEST. Sarcastic, LOUD(yup), fun, caring, understanding, sometimes crude and gross(believe it or not), sometimes not quite a lady like most women are "supposed" to be, WEIRD, and dorky. If you are family or have known me well enough to get to see me like that then you know what i mean. My husband has seen it best. He can attest to how i am. :) BUT i am not sure i want him to spill the beans on that one. :) I know that everyone is like that in a way....that everyone doesn't completely open up to everyone who they TRULY are upon first meeting them. BUT i do know a lot of girls who just throw at you exactly who they are right from the beginning. I wish i could do that. I wish i could show my fun, loud, sarcastic, dorky, weird side, but i feel like i can't. Isn't that horrible?! On the other side, i am not saying i am FAKE with people who don't know me well. What most people see is me, my softer side. That is real too. Trust me. Everything you see IS real. I just wish i could open up and show my whole self without being afraid to show it. When i say crude....i don't necessarily mean that i am just gross with my talk. I am not. It's talking about those things that people might find "gross", but isn't gross to me. It's normal to me. I grew up in an OPEN family...we can talk about alot of things....therefore it's normal to me. BUT i still have sensitive ears when it comes to certain things, don't get me wrong.

As far as finding a "connection" with someone.... i have had a few, but not many. There is a lady in our ward here...the bishop's wife. :) She is someone i feel like i could talk to for hours upon hours. I LOVE talking with her. I connected with her. BUT how do i hang out with a lady who is the bishop's wife, has nine kids who are already out of the house....?? haha. I have a great connection with my best friend, of course! And i found a great connection with a couple girls in Cleveland. They were someone who i felt like i could talk to about LOTS of things too. We had a great connection. All these women are someone i found a great connection with. They are genuine, real, and someone i feel like isn't judging me and won't judge me. Someone who will be honest with me. Someone i know i can trust. Someone who will be my friend to my face and behind my back when i am not around. And i would do the same for them. I naturally gravitate to those kind of people. Anyway, maybe i am just not like other girls who can become best friends with everyone all in one day. And maybe that is okay. I guess i am out for more quality, than quantity. You knowwhat ? this is helping me figure things out about myself by typing all this out. I realize, i am out for more quality stuff. I like to find a deep connection. I like to have deep conversations. Not all the time. But once in awhile. That is how i find my connections. Anyway, it takes me awhile sometimes to open up with people, and maybe people can see that and they don't like that, so they don't really see me as someone they could become good friends with b/c i do have that little wall up that might take awhile to come down. I guess friendships are a lot like a relationship b/w husband and wife. Some people want the connection quick. I usually don't find the QUICK connection.

The reason i brought all this up is b/c when i know i am the ONLY one being left out of my group of friends it makes me sad. It hurts my feelings. I understand if you find a connection with just one person in your group of friends and split from the group. BUT when you are the ONLY one left out...yeah. It hurts. And i wonder what the heck i am doing wrong. I feel like i have felt that a lot. And i must be getting to a point where i am sick of it and feel like opening up about it to see how everyone else feels with all this friendship stuff. Every girl needs and wants to find a connection with other women.

It's interesting b/c i have felt many times when i first met someone that we could become good friends. And i remember saying to shane that i could see "her and i becoming good friends". BUT then nothing comes of it. We hang out a few times, but then that's it. But there have been some who i didn't think i could be good friends with who i ended up being good friends with. Funny how that works, huh?

Maybe i shouldn't let it bother me. BUT we all need friends. And until i figure out the friendship thing it will always be something i am working at until i figure it out. :)

So, i am curious. What kind of first impression i give off. It's funny b/c when you are doing something WRONG in a relationship you can talk about it. You can go to the person and confront them and say "what am i doing wrong" and they will tell you. You can't do that with friends as well, especially when you don't know them that well. So, i am asking you....and tell me HONESTLY....what was your FIRST impression of me? Also, how did you VIEW me AFTER we started hanging out more and became friends? I am starting to wonder if anyone reads my blog anymore, so i am not sure i will get many responses, but i really want to know. Basically, i want to know what i am doing wrong. How do you become good friends with someone?

{OH MAN}

Oh man is right!

First, CUPCAKES went seriously wrong. Cupcakes? Yup. I know, i know, cupcakes are so easy to make. Mix together the cake batter and throw it in those little darn muffin tins. WELL, i decided to try a new recipe. And in case you didn't know, there are some difficult ways to make cupcakes, BUT if you can achieve it they are sooooo delightful. :) I learned a lesson today...DO NOT ATTEMPT A NEW RECIPE FOR THE FIRST TIME ON THE SAME DAY YOU ARE GIVING IT TO A BUNCH OF GIRLS ! Yeah. Last night shane said to me "why don't you just buy cupcakes that are already made?" I insisted, "Honey, i have to make these cute b/c they are for the young women. PLUS, i don't have any girls to do stuff like this for...you know, making cute girly pink stuff....so this is my opportunity." He told me to make them last night, but i insisted on waiting until this morning. I got up early. Started making my cute girly cupcakes! I couldn't wait til they were done and all cute! As i am getting deeper into the recipe i started to worry. Seriously worry. Get this....the FROSTING called for me to put 5 egg whites plus a cup and a half of sugar in a bowl OVER simmering water in a pan and frequently wisk until it reaches 160 degrees and the sugar has dissolved. I have a thermometer, but it's a meat thermometer. I used it anyway. When it was near 160 and looked like the sugar was dissolved i then poored it into a different bowl and whipped it for ten minutes, which by then was supposed to be fluffy and be able to form a peak. Nope. No peaks. It looked the same as when i STARTED mixing it. Well, then i look down and it calls for me to put 4 sticks of BUTTER in!!!! WHAT?! Who is this?! Are you nuts?! Wait, i totally must have read it wrong. I keep staring at it..shocked that i am actually reading it right. Okay, well, i added 4 sticks of butter. Then added the vanilla and the food coloring to make it pink. The end result, to shane, tasted like a thick whipped cream. To me, i was disgusted. It tasted like butter. You might as well put a stick of butter on top of the cupcake b/c it's basically the same thing. I couldn't taste anything other than sweet butter. So, i want to frost them anyway b/c maybe if they are cute nobody will notice that the frosting tastes like butter. I put it in a ziploc bag, cut off the corner and start squeezing it on to make a pretty cute frosted cupcake. It didn't swirl onto the cupcake ANYTHING like i would have expected. It was UGLY! I stopped and said "Forget it! no cupcakes!" I called my mom and asked for a simple frosting. I made it and put it on some of the cupcakes, but i didn't like that either. It wasn't that good. I couldn't bring any cupcakes. Oh well. Seriously, i ate one of the cupcakes with the butter frosting b/c i thought "well, maybe if i add the frosting then it will taste really good when it's all together." Nope. It made me nauseous after i ate it. The cake part was REALLY good without the frosting. BUT WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND COMES UP WITH A FROSTING RECIPE WITH THAT MUCH BUTTER? sick. I really like this blog of recipes that i got this from, but someone messed up on that. UNLESS that is what those people like. That is worse than Paula Dean, and Paula Dean is extreme with the butter people! anyway. :) Really it's funny when i think about it now. And i am still grossed out and will be for a long time.

Today was the Primary program. I was so excited to watch the boys. They both head up to the front with their arms around each other the entire time. Watching them filled my heart. I couldn't stop smiling and just wanted to cry just from watching them. I am such a cheeseball mom! Oh i love it. I love them. They get up there and i am looking around and cannot see either one of them. Then i discover after some time that the sunbeams were sitting on the front row of the pews and Gavin was sitting right behind the pulpit, so the entire program the only time i saw them was when they gave their little quote. I was so sad. But aside from that they all did a wonderful job and they were all so reverent. On kind of the same note...our ward is growing like crazy. Lots of new converts and lots of investigators! We walked in today and it looked like Stake Conference. Half of the gym had seats and it was all filled. I seriously love my ward. I will be sooooo sad to leave this ward when we move. It is full of AWESOME faithful people. And a bishopric like i have never seen.

Oh, and i am wondering where my husband is...has anyone seen him? I cannot FIND him!!! :) jk. I know where he is, but i don't see him anymore. People, my whole head is gonna be grey by the time this residency is over. He wakes up every morning at 4 a.m.. And i am half way awake the whole time up until 6:45 a.m. b/c i don't do good sleeping alone. And he works until bedtime. He's been working Saturdays. Example...yesterday(saturday) he worked from 5 a.m.! until 8 p.m. He woke up this morning at 5 a.m. again and is still working. Oh, and he had to stay home with the baby today b/c the baby is sick. He will probably get done today around 5 p.m. This is his new life. I think i am being pretty supportive. He would say so. It is hard though! :) I make sure to have the house clean and ready for when he gets home in the evening. I do that b/c i KNOW how wonderful it feels for me, and also for him to walk into a house that is clean, with smiling faces, and wonderful food ready. I know it helps to take away some of the stress he is feeling. And i want to make my home a happy warm place and doing that will make it so. :) AND he needs it right now. He is working his toosh off. It also helps me A LOT to have a home that is clean, with my candles burning all day, with norah Jones playing in the house, and having the smell of the food cooking. Oh it's heavenly. Now i just need some plants in my house and some wind chimes in the backyard and it will feel so stress free. :) It helps keep my stress down when i can have all those things. Now you ask, what am i doing for myself to help relieve stress and make things lighter for myself? Well, what i just mentioned before that question is a big thing that helps. I am doing the things that i know will help me have patience and be a good mom and wife...reading my scriptures every morning, and saying my prayers often so that i can find the strength i need. That helps me a lot. Aside from that i have really gotten into COOKING AND BAKING. I have liked cooking for awhile, but i am trying lots of new recipes and Shane loves that. And i have been using my Bosch and making lots of breads. Which he loves even more! Crazy. I never would have guessed i would love cooking and baking if you asked me ten years ago where i would be in ten years. Never. haha!! ANYWAY, you can bet that when bedtime rolls around i am making sure those kids are getting into bed RIGHT AWAY. :) Boy am i ready. But every morning i have my strength back and am able to do it all over again.

I love my boys. They are so darn cute and so much fun. I don't have much patience sometimes. But i sure am learning lots of patience right now. So, another thing that helps is taking the time for them. When i get in those moods where they are driving me nuts, that is when i try to tell myself to relax and do something with them. When i make myself spend time with them when i don't feel like it that is when i am glad i did. B/c i always have fun with them and it makes me feel so much better. :)

And i am so going to start back into my exercise routine tomorrow morning. M ankle is soooo much better. But i am going to do p90x again. I can't do insanity(my new workout) b/c i can't run around and jump all over yet. But most of the workout in p90x are something i can take on. Oh, and my spinning. i am so ready to get back into all of that! With all this baking i am doing i better start back otherwise i will gain lots of weight.

It stinks not having my husband around. I hope when this year is over that he never gets deployed for 6 months. That would be a huge trial. I have a friend experiencing that right now and i hope and pray it doesn't happen. But whatever happens, happens...and we will deal with it and get through it. Boy am i going to cherish Christmas this year. He gets 2 weeks off! That will be sooooooo wonderful. And b/c of that i am already planning on how to make our first christmas at home a good one. I am making our christmas tree decorations, which are so cute. And i am making an advent calendar for the boys. I am going to make a few christmas decorations for the house. I am soooooo excited. And of course we are going to keep some traditions alive....like giving them all matching pajamas on Christmas Eve. Reading christmas stories on christmas eve by the tree with candles lit. Having our HUGE christmas breakfast that entails hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, sausage, cinnamon rolls, and pancakes. That makes me sick thinking about it right now b/c i am still sick from eating that cupcake. :) Then we celebrate Gavin's birthday Christmas Night. And this Christmas the boys will have their first good christmas from us. We are excited to have our own money to go buy them lots of toys. My family is coming here for Thanksgiving and we are going to put up all the decorations, the tree, and the outside lights on Thanksgiving night all together. I am excited for the Holidays! Can you tell?!?! And hopefully(crossing fingers) nobody will get sick this year for Christmas since we aren't traveling. And we won't have the expense of plane tickets, which i hear are expensive this year! We are definitely going to miss Shane's family for Christmas, but we are glad we were able to spend a month with them in Idaho and Utah over the summer. If anyone wants to come here for Christmas let us know! ;)

Anyway, i am blabbing on and on. I do this when i am not able to talk to my husband. I have too much to say. When Shane and i get in bed at night i am ready to start talking and he is ready to fall asleep, so i usually start talking for 5 minutes and then he falls asleep in the middle of my conversation to him. So, i guess i will be doing a lot of blabbing on here. Thanks for listening. :)

{Do you prefer all 4 seasons OR Not?}

I have made a decision. I used to say i wanted to live somewhere that gets no snow. I have changed my mind. Now, i am so not saying that i love snow. I can DEAL with snow as long as i am somewhere that doesn't have a gloomy winter. :) I am REALLY REALLY missing fall out east. It is soooooo beautiful there during the fall. TREES galore. Nothing but bright reds, yellows, and oranges. I need to move back that direction. Maybe to Boston or something. Have you seen Hocus Pocus? If you haven't you are nuts. That is such a fun Halloween movie. If you have seen it do you remember the scenery in it? I think it is in Boston or somewhere nearby. One of the reasons i LOVE watching it is b/c the area the movie is set in is so beautiful. I love the houses, all the leaves. It is dreamy. Really i can't complain b/c i am really enjoying the nice weather here. It is in the low 80's and is SUNNY a lot, which is what i need and want. BUT at the same time, i love Fall. I am missing it right now. I love the crisp beautiful BRIGHT colors. I love the feeling that i get when that coolness fall feel comes into the air. And really , no place is quite like the EAST when it comes to the fall. I wish i could customize weather and make every season exactly what i want it to be and look exactly the way i want it to look. :) ANYWAY, just had to say that. I think i am ready to live in a place with all four season. Now, we do get all four seasons here, BUT not quite like i want it. Eeewww, i am just so picky! :) When winter comes around i might change my mind and say, FORGET all 4 seasons! I LOVE this! :)

{Thinking Back}

We just found out that one of shane's family members is pregnant. When they went in for the ultrasound they told them that their baby has gastroschisis. It brought back a flood of memories! For those who don't know, our son Tanner had the same thing. We went in to find out the gender and were struck with the news. I had c-section two weeks early. They said i could have a vaginal delivery, but that seemed to creepy to me. I couldn't do it. After the cesearean delivery they wrapped him up and brought him over to show me his face and that lasted for about 10 seconds. Then they rushed him off. I didn't get to see him after that for about 2 hours. I couldn't hold him until about 2 weeks after he was born. This is a little graphic, but here are his intestines that were out of his body. They put it in this silo-like thing and slowly put a little bit of his intestines back in everyday. I think they had it all back in about 4 days after birth. He had surgery about one week after birth.

He didn't eat anything until after his surgery. They just had him hooked up to an IV line to give him nutrients. BUT the IV lines kept blowing. So, they had to resort to trying to put one in his head, but that didn't work either. So, they ended up putting a broviac line in. That one worked, but you have to be careful with those b/c they are close to the heart and can cause infection.

I was in and out of that hospital every SINGLE day for that whole month. For me, i try to be strong. I have to keep it all together b/c if it don't then it will all fall apart. So, that's what i tried doing this whole time. I was so excited for his surgery b/c i knew it would be all over. But when the time came for him to go back into surgery i started crying my eyes out. I couldn't hold it in. I was scared. And one night my poor dear hubby broke down. I have NEVER seen him break down like i did that one night, nor have i ever seen it since. It was all heart wrenching.

This is his little foot. His foot turned black and blue b/c they kept poking it in order to draw blood. Yeah, they poked him A LOT.

All swollen... :(

Slowly getting those intestines back in...

Here he is a few days after surgery and not so doped up anymore.

Sleeping peacefully and soundly.
He was able to move to the step-down unit after he had his first poop after surgery, which took another week or so. So, this was the first time Gavin was able to see his baby brother. While in the step-down unit he got an infection from the broviac. He had started eating real food a few days before and so when he got the infection they took his food completely away. He was screaming constantly. I couldn't stay in his room at night when that happened b/c it was too hard. He was screaming and screaming and i couldn't fix it. So, i slept at home and let the nurses take care of him and they did a wonderful job. I had to do that in order to keep it together, otherwise i would have fallen apart, gotten sick, etc. I would have ended up in the hospital myself.


Finally, peaceful at home.

He was born Sept. 28th and finally came home a few days before Halloween. Wasn't he such a pretty baby?! Auntie Holly wrapped him all up all cozy with a blankie, laying on her pillow. Let me tell you, getting him home wasn't the end. I was in and out of the darn hospital every single week. His liver levels were off and they couldn't figure out why so we had to go in and draw his blood NUMEROUS times. And EACH time they had such a hard time finding the vein, so they usually had to try 5 different times in one visit. It was soooo soooo sad. AND soo sooooo hard on him and on me. I hated being there to watch it. They finally found out what it was, which was such a relief. He has alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency. ALSO, before he came home from the hospital they found out he had hypospadius, which is where his pee hole was lower than it should have been. SOOOO, he had to have a surgery to fix that. Not only that , but he wasn't responding well to any kind of formula, so we put him on a formula that we needed a prescription for. I can't remember the name of it, BUT it was $40.00 a can! Yup. Thank goodness for WIC. Wow, the first 6 months of his life were absolute chaos, emotional turmoil, and everything all mixed into ONE. Going through that ride, while experiencing the blue's i always get after having a baby, plus another huge thing in my life at that same time that was devastating news for me that was still very fresh and new made it an extremely challenging time! Holy cow. WOW. Reliving ALL of that is like a nightmare. haha! It all hit at once. They say it comes in three's...well, there you have it. Baby with lots of problems, devastating news, and baby blue's. I am so glad that part of life is over and soooo glad my little Tanner is now a healthy normal boy. :)