Our scare last week...

Well, i wasn't going to post this story in my blog, only because i wasn't ready to think about the details again of what happened. I am now to the point where i won't tear up anymore trying to tell this story so i decided to post this. Plus, this is my journal and i will be making it into a book form when i hit my one year mark, so i need this story in here. One week and one day ago(Monday), I was sitting on the couch reading, Shane was on the phone, and Tanner was sitting on one of our chairs at the table. Suddenly i hear a "BOOM", a loud bang. Right as i look up i see Tanner had landed right on top of his head, he was literally straight up and down right on his head. I started to run towards him and as i did i was realizing he wasn't crying, his body completely stiffened up and his eyes starting rolling in the back of his head. I started screaming for Shane, he came. Tanner was having a seizure. I was freaking out. The only thought going through my head was that he was going to be paralyzed or he was dying. I felt such guilt at that point too b/c i should have been there to stop the fall. Shane called the ambulance right away. I had so many things going through my mind. It is so weird how i felt so much pain, guilt, fear, horror, and all the while i was able to think about Tanner and how much he went through the first few months of his life and how now he was going through more. Like i said, i thought he was going to be paralyzed. I wanted so very badly to be able to switch places with him so that he wouldn't have to go through that. I didn't want him to experience more hard times. While he was seizuring his breathing was very shallow. As the seizure started slowing down and coming to an end, so did his breathing. Suddenly he started to slowly close his eyes, he stopped breathing and he went limp. We thought we lost him. At that point i was freaking out, BUT i started praying, "please God, i know you can help him, save him, please God, please please." Then he took this loud deep breath in as if something were blocking his airway, but he was trying so hard to breath in anyway . He gasped for air so hard and it was loud. He started breathing again. Then he opened his eyes. BUT it was a complete blank stare - he didn't blink, didn't look for us, didn't move his eyes. Nobody was home. Then right as the ambulance got there he went back to sleep and wouldn't wake up. They put Tanner on a gurny, i rode with him in the ambulance. As they were strapping him down in the ambulance Tanner didn't open his eyes, but he was slightly irritated that he was being strapped down. He was moving his arms, so i figured that was a good sign. We got to the hospital and about 20 minutes after being there he woke up. He woke up VERY angry and irritated. Obviously he was confused. Anyway, he cried and cried and was mad. The resident came in and checked to make sure his back was fine and we had to hold him down for that and he is quite the fighter. The doctor was surprised at how tough he was, "He sure has a lot of motivation." All i can say is that he gets it from his mommy. He is so much like me. :) Anyway, he cried for about an hour. We couldn't calm him down. Nothing helped, and that is unusual. They did a scan on his head to make sure there wasn't anything bad going on in there and it all turned out good. Finally about an hour and a half - two hours later we were able to leave and he had calmed down. The one positive thing out of all this...We found out he had an earache, so we got meds for him to help him get better. Anyway, it was so scary. I can't even describe the emotions i felt while watching Tanner seizure. There is nothing that scary in life. I would go through ten more labors to avoid having to feel that fear and horror again. Poor little Gavin, while all this was happening, just didn't know what to think. When i was crying hovering over Tanner i noticed Gavin laughing. I don't know if he thought i was being silly or what, but then a minute later i look at him and he was pretending to cry. I don't think he grasped what was going on, but that is okay. At least he was fine. He knew Tanner was hurt b/c we talked about it later that day. Anyway, the doctors said that it was a concussion and that 1-4% of children Tanner's age will experience a seizure from a concussion. I had no clue that could happen. I mean, we thought our son was dying! Out of the 1- 4% of kids it happens to, it had to happen to poor little Tanner. Weird. Anyway, we are so grateful Tanner is fine. I have been his shadow a lot since then. I feel more sorry for him that he has gone through so much in the beginning of his life, but maybe this means he won't have to go through it later in life. I hope. Or it is preparing me for what is to come. :)