{Mother's Intuition..Don't ignore it}

Last Wednesday evening at about midnight Tanner woke up not feeling good. He had a sore throat and fever. The next day he acted fine and i never noticed a fever. We were at Kalahari which might explain why he acted fine....though he was kind of grumpy. :) Friday he had a bad fever. I intuitively started wondering if it could be pneumonia. I don't know why. Maybe b/c his signs led me to think that, but who knows why. He had a fever of 103, heart was pounding out of his chest and really fast, rapid breathing, loss of appetite, bad cough.... I just didn't like it. I gave him some medicine and medicine seemed to help. The next day, Saturday, he felt like crud again. This time his fever got up to 104. I had contacted my pediatrician and she told me that it might not be pneumonia, suggested a few things to watch for and to call her back later. Well, he was getting really RED from his fever and it reached 104 and i just didn't like what was going on so we got in the car and headed for the ER. I called my pediatrician to let her know, BUT she said, FIRST go get some children's ibuprofen and if he perks up he is probably fine. He did perk up, but could tell he was still sick. Something just didn't feel right to me. That night i was so worried about him. I kept thinking, still, that he had pneumonia. I looked it up on the internet, was afraid to have him sleep through the night without me there with him. I was just uneasy. Sunday morning he acted fine. I thought he was getting better. Still acting kind of sick and looked a little sick. I decided to take Tanner into the pediatrician before church so that they could take a look at him to let me know he was going to be okay. Before i left his fever was about 100....By the time the pediatrician took a look at him he looked horrible and his fever was up to 103 already. He could barely keep his eyes open, his eyes kept watering and gooking up, his face was flaming red, he was breathing rapidly. It was horrrible. On the way over to their office it just hit him HARD. They looked at him and the doctor kept saying, "hhmmmm, yeah, he doesn't look good to me. I don't like the way he looks." Then she went and got another Doctor and he came in. He took off Tanner's shoes and socks and said that his feet were like ice. I thought, oh my, usually he is hot even if it is 40 degrees out. They took his oxygen levels and it was 92%. They said they don't want to see it lower than 93%. They did a cap test and it was 4-5 seconds and it should be no more than 3 seconds. He wasn't receiving oxygen very well to his tissues. His lungs sounded really bad they said. They just didn't like any of what they were seeing. They both left for a minute and then he came back in and said, "You know, i think we are going to call an ambulance over to escort you two to the hospital." I was shocked. I felt so bad for Tanner. I wish i would have just taken him in when i started suspecting it. We got there and they hooked him up to oxygen and put an IV in him. They told us he would have to stay overnight. They started him on antibiotics and monitored him all night, giving him breathing treatments and upping the oxygen he was receiving b/c overnight his levels would drop to 89%. But the next day he was doing so much better. He didn't have a fever anymore. They took him off the oxygen at around noon, i think. They let us take him home Monday night. It was all so scary and too familiar. This is my second ambulance ride with Tanner to the hospital! And he is only TWO! The first time he had a seizure. Then where he stayed in the hospital is the same place he stayed for 2 weeks , 2 weeks after he was born. So all of it brought back scary memories that i try to forget....those memories where you fear losing your child and wish you could be the one in pain instead of your child. Anyway, when we found out it was pneumonia Shane was like, "you called it...i mean, how did you know or what made you even think it was pneumonia?" All i can say is, it is mother's intuition or the Holy Ghost speaking to me. Maybe both. I need to listen to it more often and act on it quicker. Something was telling me for 2 days that there was something more wrong than just the flu. :) Before Tanner was even born i spent my days worrying about him. We found out through ultrasound before he was born that he had gastroschisis(belly didn't close up and his bowels were hanging out)...Then after he was born he was in the hospital for a month. There we found out that he also had hypospadius(you can look it up)...so he had to get two surgeries done. One surgery a few days after birth and one to fix the hypospadius and i think that was when he was somewhere around 3-6 months old. Then we found out he has Alpha 1 antitrypsin deficiency maybe when he was 2 months old.(too long of an explanation). A mild case. Then he seizured and we took an ambulance ride to the hospital, then this happens. I mean even after we were able to take him home for the first time from the hospital after being born we still had to make MANY trips to the hospital for blood draws and x-rays. He got poked more times than i can count. Each time i wanted to cry, especially when i had to help hold him down. They always had the hardest time finding a vein so they would poke and repoke somewhere else, over and over, trying to get it. It was probably more emotionally scarring for me than it is for him. He won't remember it. Ohhhh, anyway, He just is breaking my heart. I feel terrible that he has had to go through so much in the beginning of his life. It scares me all the time. So much has happened and i am afraid of losing him or Gavin. It is a huge fear of mine that is growing with every little accident that happens. I am not good at this mother thing. Emotionally. I worry so much for them all the time. My fear of losing one of them grows everyday. Now, i don't sit and worry to the point where i am not enjoying life. I just realize how important they are to me and treasure them so much and love them so much.
Thanks so much to those of you who have expressed concern about Tanner or have offered to help out with watching Gavin and those who have helped us out. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers. :)
Maybe you are wondering how i am doing, being 26 weeks pregnant and all. Well, i am doing surprisingly well. That night in the hospital with Tanner i got little sleep. Today i SOMEHOW found the energy to clean my house ALL DAY LONG. My mother-in-law is getting in tonight so we had to clean...seriously, cleaned all day. I wonder how i am finding all this energy. I am boggled. It will all hit me at once, i am sure. I just don't know when.